The Hardline according to Jimi Izrael

The Clinton Effect

2008-08-24T19:23:27Z

Supporters of Sen. Hillary Clinton are planning to voice their discontent outside the Democratic National Convention, as if anyone was surprised. Me? I think it’s important that the Clintonites get their say, but I don’t know if the convention is the place or time for it. But that’s why we live in a democracy: so people can lunch-out whenever they get a mind to. I wonder how, or if, Sen. Barack Obama will deal with their discontent. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned: we know this going in. We’ve not seen it from Hillary, but we may see it on the convention floor. I don’t know that People United Means Action will be able to scrape together more than a few heads, but it won’t take that many folks to start a brouhaha on national television.

I’m surprised I haven’t heard more women’s group getting ready to picket. Up to this point, Obama’s been a political pin-up, but choosing Sen. Joe Biden as a running mate has put him on the other side: he’s The Man now, the enemy, seemingly using his male privilege to hold down yet another sister in the struggle. Not that I buy that, but I do think Clinton was unfairly looked-over and set-aside early in the game, and I don’t know how or if he will ultimately reconcile that fact with the voting public. It’s going to talk more than the famous Clinton Mouthpeice, skinning and grinning in Denver to make this all better. Clinton may be willing to slow her roll to know her role, but her supporters want nothing less than the White House. They won’t go quietly, and disruption and dissent at political conventions historically bodes badly for the greater good.

Master P and Better Black TV

2008-08-22T22:02:02Z

Percy Miller, aka Master P, is launching his own family-oriented black TV portal. Calling it Better Black TV, Miller rejects his past as a raunchy, graphic rap artist in favor of providing something more wholesome for the public to consume. Part of me thinks that this is just purely economic: rap music’s gangster narrative has kinda topped out, and the music just isn’t selling the way it used to, especially since you can basically just get it for free. Miller sees the popularity of the Jonas Brothers and other family-centered entertainment and wants to beat the rush of commercialism by being the first one in. Except that Robert Townsend tried the same thing some years ago with the Black Family Network and it failed miserably. It folded in 2007.

Part of the problem is that none of us can decide what family values look like, or what constitutes wholesome entertainment. Interesting, that we look at Sanford and Son and Good Times now as “wholesome,” but back in the day, people thought it was degrading and kind of risqué’. I don’t know if Miller will succeed where others have failed, but before he goes forward, he has to answer an important question.

What does “black family-oriented entertainment” look like?

RIP Julius Carry III: A Short Eulogy for The Shogun of Harlem

2008-08-20T21:55:48Z

Actor Julius Carry III has passed on, his death brought on by pancreatic cancer, according to a Wikipedia entry. Carry was a prolific actor with a resume that included over 50 television and movie roles. He was a member of the Chicago Repertory Company and even took the stage in productions of West Side Story and Hamlet. Most likely, he will always be remembered as Sho ‘Nuff, the evil villain from The Last Dragon. Kung Fu films were known for over-the-top villains but the Shogun of Harlem made this only slightly above average genre film into an instant classic.

Eyes bulging wildly, flying spit, clawed fist of fury and the Thirsty Curl of Death, Carry’s Sho ‘Nuff was the kind of evil you know: someone in your family is that angry, that earnest, in need of some spray-on activator. You'll forgive the hyperbole, but I think moreso than Bumpy Jonas, Eviline, or Kansas City Mack, Sho 'Nuff may be the single most remarkable, iconic black antagonist in black film history (D. Anthony's "Pretty Toney," arguably, a distant second). Sho' Nuff is the kind of caricature kids evoke to snap on your mama. And when you play a part that ingrains itself in the hearts of black folks like that, you are guaranteed immortality.

Sadly, we hadn’t seen a lot of him in recent years, although there was buzz about an LD sequel rumored to be in the works. He wasn’t superstar, and he never got the props he had coming, but his talent cannot be denied.

Was he a talent?

Was he versatile without boundaries?

Was he the baddest mofo low down around this town?

…and will he be missed?

Sho’ nuff.

The Ten Things About Love and Life You Could Learn from Gary Coleman

2008-08-20T14:03:41Z

Gary Coleman got divorced?! Whutchu talkin' bout, Cupid??!!

As it turns out, Coleman re-joins the ranks of eligible bachelors, after getting papers from his wife of eight months Shannon Price some time ago. After rejoicing on the occasion of his nuptials just a few months ago, I know this is an election year, but I still don’t know how this newbite escaped me and my heart goes out to Coleman: it’s hard being a good man nowadays, and I should know. Hopefully your slippery misstep into a steaming pile of matrimony has not soured your views on love and eternal bliss. Sisters: two more good men—Coleman and I—are back on the market. I’m not taking applications at this time, but I’m sure Coleman is all too eager to show the ladies his diff’rent stroke, if you catch my meaning.

Gary Coleman’s managed to bounce back with his own pay-day loan commercial and the whole nine, and just when you think the Pocket Bhudda, the Chocolate Yoda has taught you everything you needed to know about life, relationships and all their mystery (the world don't move to the beat of just ONE drum? Seriously?), we can all look at his sojourn through love’s divine and glean the lesson.

So I give you…

Ten Things About Love and Life You Could Learn from Gary Coleman

· Fame is fleeting—Save up, Jack.
·· Moisturize—Gary sure is an ashy lil emma-effer.
· Be a Man of Action—get yourself a J-O-B.
· Carpe Diem: Bitterness? Not a good look.
Biting is not an optimum compliance-gaining tool
· Divorce Court is a really, really good way to cop a free trip and cash in on a break-up. My man—why didn’t I think of that?
· Real-life 40 Year-Old Virgin = Not so got-damn, funny, huh?
· Size matters after all.
· Opposites attract, but DAMN.
· Love has no color. Or taste.

The Real Housewives of Reality TV

2008-08-10T15:43:11Z

Word around the campfire is that there is a reality show called Real Housewives of Atlanta in the offing, maybe to get to air before the end of the summer, and I can’t wait. I’m a big fan of Bravo’s Real Housewives of… series. It reminds me of classic Three's Company insofar as the premise, no matter what it purports to be, is actually a set-up for a smutty, more obvious aim, in this case, what I call "MILF TV": television that showcases attractive, middle-aged women in their natural habitat, often in clothing two sizes two small and barely covering them. Housewives is cast so that women can see a "real life" soap opera and men can follow any woman that meets thier peculiar taste: thin, thick, natural or done-over. It must be gratifying in some way for ladies everywhere that the tide has turned, and now society can appreciate the genteel--albeit it too often reconstructed--beauty of a older woman. This, I think, primarily due to the fact that our mothers and grandmothers weren't bombarded with images of "beauty," and there weren't many Bally's of Fitworks gyms back in the day. The ladies, by and large, are holding themselves together. Most of my boys have gone to pot, and relatively, I'm not doing too bad. Just need a Sit-Up Nazi in my life. Seriously.

But I digress.

I used to see the series as disgusting and exploitive but after enjoying the Real Housewives of New York and Real Housewives of Orange County fror a few seasons, I see it more as a tribute to older women, personal trainers and plastic surgeons everywhere, as well as a triumph of product placement and subliminal marketing. A few of the women are pulled too tightly but overall, they look GREAT. The storylines feel only slightly more contrived than on other “reality” shows, with their garish lifestyles amped up. I used to remark to friends about why we haven’t seen a Housewives with women of color, and now, like magic, I talked it up. Yeah, I know they had Jo De La Rosa in Real Housewives of Orange County, but I’m under the impression she’s passing, Cameron Diaz-stylee.

It seems strange that they went out of their way to find a white single mom to rep in the new Chocolate Mecca—they seem to be going through pains to integrate the cast in a way they haven’t done in the past. Also, the cast is filled out with two members of Team Big Girl. I'm a big fan of interracial dating and TBG, but most of middle America is not, so I don’t know what’s up with either of those casting choices. As a rule, I don’t think Housewives offer any real look into these women’s lives, but just offer them up as good entertainment. Troubling, that these shows don’t really deal with self-made women, just rich housewives and single women on the make for a meal-ticket. I wonder, do shows like these set some women back and make them look like superficial gold-diggers? I vote "yes." But my DVR will have a regular appointment on Bravo. Believe that.

The Poor Elite

2008-08-10T12:10:25Z

The Atlantic has good piece on conspicuous consumption, and it got me to thinking about one of my favorite topics: the poor elite, who we invariably associate with hip-hop culture. Broke people who front rich. As I mention on my personal blog, Bill's daughter Evin Cosby confided recently that she doesn't get down with the "Poor Elite." Evin has issues.I’m always fascinated by people who decry the present state of hip-hop’s materialism. Materialism has been part and parcel of popular hip-hop culture, because it is ingrained in the American dream: the civil rights movement was about the right to be treated as equals, YES, but it was also about the access to consumables and artifacts that would signal affluence and status to the wider world. The right to move closer to white people, buy Brooks Brothers suits and drive a Cadillac, so that everyone could know exactly how invested in the Dream you were.

Hip-hop culture has always been about marginalized (Afro-black and Latino) peoples acquiring the Dream from the fringe, using conventional and non-conventional means. So it makes perfect sense that hip-hop culture embraces conspicuous consumption as a means of expression: it’s not only a status symbol, but it says “we are living the Dream on our terms.” People in the ‘hood are no different than the people in the ‘burbs: they want the approval and adoration of their peers. They want someone—everyone—to pat them on the back and tell them that they’ve made it. White people look at rappers showing off their (rented) houses, cars and jewelry on MTV Cribs and ask “why?” Young black kids, who only know poverty, but know that anything can happen in America, ask “why not?”

The Dream means so many different things to so many people. To some folks, the ability to buy the newest Jordans is their dream: throwing
away money is a simple American pleasure that many of people of color cannot enjoy. But the Poor Elite want to show you that frivolous spending is not just the avocation of white folks: they can be frivolous too.

What do you think about that?

Who Will Replace Bernice Mac?

2008-08-10T11:18:19Z

Comedian Bernie Mac is dead from complications from pneumonia we're told, and as the world mourns and we send our condolences to his family, I can’t help but wonder…. what is to become of the Ocean’s Eleven franchise? Sure, it’s been reported that Ocean’s Thirteen was the last, but it made too much money not to do another one. There will almost certainly be another “Ocean’s” and his role as Frank Catton will be hard to duplicate. I have to admit, I wasn’t always a fan of The Mac. Bernie Mac’s act back in the day, for my taste, was just a little too close to minstrelsy. I can’t deny he was funny, but often he was funny for the wrong reason.

I was happy to see that as the years went on, his comedy matured, and by the time he did The Bernie Mac Show, with the gorgeous Kelita Smith playing his improbably fine-ass wife, he seemed to have learned the art of delivering comedy on two frequencies: one where white America could laugh, and the other—the REAL one—where black America could laugh harder. He took the Huxtable stereotype and turned it on its ear. I thought his portrayal of another kind of black middle class, a lot closer to the folks I roll with, was dead on. I admired the courage it took to breach a complex subject like having to take in kids from your crack-addicted relations to prime-time America. I dug that work, but the truth of the matter is, I didn’t really become a big fan until after Ocean’s Eleven. It was there that saw him make something from nothing and distinguish himself as an actor, and I don’t know how the screenwriters will move on and fill that void—who could replace Bernie Mac? Even if there is no other film, Mac leaves a gap in the comedy pantheon--who will fill it?

To keep Mac’s mid-western angst and ‘hood-type way, I vote for Clevelander Steve Harvey.

Who do you think?

Paris Hilton for President, Karrine Steffans for VP: That's The Ticket

2008-08-07T23:33:01Z

When a sex-tape debutante has the best, smartest energy plan in the country, over our candidates for the highest office of the land, well, it’s really time for them to just run for office or for all patriotic Americans to seriously consider Canadian citizenship. We knew Paris Hilton had herpes, but who knew her poli-sci chops were so sick? Maybe her and Karrine Steffans could run for office on the Sex Tape Skank ticket, with Kim Kardashian as Secretary of D'Butt. People are just making up tickets anyways.Think about it: rallies, fund-raising, viral ads? No problem. Cynthia “I’m Not Crazy” McKinney is running with someone who claims to be a rapper—why not Paris and Karrine? Is this America or am I taking crazy pills?

Paging Karrine: we know you have a lot of balls in the air right now and are busy stalking Eddie Winslow, but yo, you’re a role model to millions, I mean, what’s your take on the war in Iraq and foreign policy? Forget your sex-tape for a minute: how do you figure to bring Bin laden to justice?

Ten Useful Ways America Could Apologize For Slavery

2008-07-31T14:42:27Z

I long ago came out against any apology for slavery, mainly because it would serve no useful purpose. But I’ve come up with Ten Useful Ways America Could Apologize For Slavery.

1. 1. Danish: Nothing says “I’m sorry” like a sweet-roll. Or a fresh crueller.

2. 2. White Slavery Month: Every white person over the age of five will be compelled into slavery for 30 days. Working at WalMart wouldn’t count.

3. 3. Drop Squad 2.0: Just like Spike Lee’s film, except white people get yoked off the street, re-educated and thrown back on the curb. Think “A-Team” as diversity trainers.

4. 4. Racism Threat Level Updates: Just like Homeland Security’s terrorist threat level system, you could get off a plane and know the level of racism in any given city.

5. 5. Black Friend for Dinner Week: White people have to sit down with their black friend and break bread. Mailroom clerks and garbage men would not rank as ‘friends.’

6. 6. Racial Draft: Black folks get to definitive claim previously white people with black characteristics, as well as disown trifling Black people. For example, I’d gladly trade Kim Kardashian for Khia.

7. 7. Macbook: Actually, no. Macbook Pro, for all Black folks. With upgrades for life.

8. 8. No more Adam Sadler movies.

9. 9. A nice Ziggy card might do the trick. What ever happened to Ziggy anyways?

10. Real seasoning in Tony Roma’s Ribs. Seriously.

Do you have any ideas that are missing from this list? Write them below.

Rick Ross: American Wankster

2008-07-29T18:19:31Z

Rapper Rick Ross’ street creds are on blast, and Nelson George, (my personal blueprint and a rock-star in this verb game) could not have known when he, Robert Locash and Chris Rock sat down to pen CB4 exactly how much art would imitate life. Seems that the internet is abuzz with rumors that Ross (ne’ William Roberts) was once a corrections officer, took on the name and swagger of America’s most notorious crack dealer and may have even embellished his back-story with tales of million-dollar coke sales and buying dope from Manuel Noriega. All t sell records. Turns out Rapper Ross has never been arrested for jaywalking. His record is cleaner than mine, and in all likelihood he’s never been a drug kingpin, but just a loving brother and son with a talent for writing and an active imagination. But wait: You mean, most rappers are lower-middle-class wanna-bes? WOW. Color me SHOCKED. Ross fraud is compounded by his record sales, and the way his fake narrative resonates with his fans—mostly clueless white kids. He gets points for keeping his nose clean, but a demerit for faking the funk.

CB4, lest you forget the plot of this cinema classic, was about three guys who break into the rap business by pretending to be rappers with gangster credentials, and the lead rapper, MC Gusto (Chris Rock), takes on the name of a well-known drug kingpin, (Charlie Murphy, in his first substantial film role, as “Gusto”). This film, not at all dissimilar to 50 Cent’s story, except that the real 50 Cent has long since been dead. “Freeway” Rick Ross is alive and kicking (albeit, in the joint), with some crank trading on his name.

I’d be lying if I told you that Ross was not a decent rapper, or that his flavor of Crack Rap was vacant and without merit: it is, as popped-up, sugar-coated examples of visceral sub-genres of rap music go, musically and lyrically compelling. Cinematic and vibrant. Plus, he get's props for killing a sample from disco gangster Giorgio Moroder. Most rap music these days is highly-stylized, hyper-violent fiction of what most often is a caricature of the Black American Dope Dealer. Rapper Rick Ross, at least, is a good at it.

Well, “Freeway” Ricky Ross, as fate would have it, tried to warn him about taking on the name and swagger of a real O.G. He gets out the Booty Farm in 2010, but I don’t think rapper Ross should be worried: his career doesn’t have legs like that.

Rapper Ross says he’s the victim of some kind of elaborate internet hoax. Yeah. Him and R. Kelly.

I could have it wrong, so you tell me: is it more likely that he’s some fat dude with an active imagination and a golden pen, or that he’s a former drug dealer rapping about his life of crime?

Disney: Black to the Drawing Board

2008-07-25T11:55:41Z

Disney is set to release an animated feature with its first black heroine, called The Frog Princess, sometime near Christmas of 2009, and there are apparent snags holding up production. Not everyone is happy with the storyline, because it’s set in New Orleans and Disney’s first black heroine is—wait for it---a maid, who practices voodoo.

Holy Crap.

I can see why people are upset, but I think some are setting their expectations too high. Already there have been criticism that the feature panders to stereotypes and doesn’t the magical qualities of Disney tales of yore. Before we get all mushy, let’s keep in mind that many of those Disney Tales of yore were a more than a little racially insensitive, and I don’t know why would we expect Princess to be any different.

Disney films, from Song of the South to Jungle Book to Aladdin and many more in between are not known for their accurate portrayal of colored folks. Seems the way to circumvent that would be for a black animation company to simply produce their own Disney-like cartoons, so that there could be a more culturally balanced approach. Unfortunately, while there are a few ethno-centric ‘toons, no black animation companies with Disney power come to mind, so we’re stuck. The truth to tell, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. I have a daughter, so it is important to me for her to see images that reflect her beauty. But I’m careful to reinforce the idea that she should be comfortable in her skin— I don’t see that as Disney’s job. Their job is to make movies and make money. Even with the best of intentions, you can’t reasonably expect them to get the black experience right on the first try….can you?

Floaters in America

2008-07-23T10:53:56Z

In my hometown paper, there was an interesting story about the widening gap between the haves and the have-nots and the disintegration of the middle class in the black community. The story posits that you are either the Evans or the Huxtables—the Winslows have divorced and Dad is living at the Y while Mom keeps the house afloat on subsidies and half-jobs. Waldo Faldo and Steve Urkel, on the other hand, own a consulting business and dutifully send nice fruit baskets to their ‘hood friends every Christmas. The thing is, I hadn’t noticed it before, but (beyond the numbers, which I take with a grain of salt) there’s something to that notion: of all the people in my crew, people are either winning or losing—nobody’s a floating in the middle. You are either living the dream or you are dying a slow death: the good old days when you could be poor and still have a decent quality of life aren’t coming back as fast as you think.

You can’t be a Floater in America anymore.

I went down to my old ‘hood not long ago to see how it’s changed and I could believe the number of people still living on the block—kids I came up with 20, 30 years ago—still living in their mama’s house. Some of my dudes are wearing black tears and jailhouse tats, walking pet alligators (WTF?), but few of them are well-educated or even employed. This underlined a very important point for me: that as much as people talk about what a crappy country America is, what, with all the racist white people and crazy n*ggas and such, this is really about as good as it gets. You get what you earn in this country, and sitting around waiting for a reparations check is not the move, Jack.

Contrary to conventional wisdom, I can tell you that lazy white folks are losing too. While I was trapped in Lexington, Kentucky, the class schism was the thing that really blew my mind. People were either driving Benzos or saving up for a set of uppers by working at Piggly Wiggly. This is real talk. I thought someone must have been giving away Beemers, the way the streets were clogged with them, and everyone working service gigs or retail looked like L’Miserables: burnt skin, Dickensian dental hygiene… and white. I had never seen the line so clear between the the winners, the losers and the dreamers—normally on their way to class. Education is the key in this country. Sure, it’s a gamble, but it’s a sight plan better than moving up head veggie bagger at HiLo’s, topping out at 23k a year. That’s no life. That’s a life sentence.

So for all those high schoolers out there, talking about taking a “few years off…” That's bunk. Register for classes…. TODAY. Things are a lot worse than you think.

There’s no room for Floaters in America. Not anymore.

The Dark Knight and The Tupac Syndrome

2008-07-21T12:05:18Z

The Dark Knight hit the screen with record-breaking numbers and universally positive reviews, but I wonder how much of it is the Tupac Syndrome—the idea that, once an artist is wacked or meets an untimely death—like Tupac Shakur, for example-- his or her body of work, and especially their last completed work, is now the greatest example of the genre in the history of mankind.

NOT TRUE.

Not to needlessly knock the dead, but we need a reality check here: Heath Ledger was an Australian acting import on par with Mel Gibson or Olivia Newton John. Ledger took some risky roles, but didn’t change the game remarkably. He basically picked his roles 'by the numbers.' While I’ll give that he puts a different stamp on the role of The Joker, I don’t know if it was worthy of all the posthumous Oscar talk floating around. The film owes as much to an inventive script and a stellar cast as it does to any one actor. But we have a weird kind of snuff fetish with the works of the recently departed, and I think Ledger benefits from that.

Jesse Jackson Hearts the "N-Word"

2008-07-18T12:16:32Z

More troubling than the Rev. Jesse Jackson getting caught on tape using the “N-word” is his insistence that you and I excise it from our vocabulary. I hope by now we know Jackson is a hypocrite who often talks out of both sides of his mouth. But rather than give in to the rather colonial notion that all language has to be for all people, I’d rather him stand up and call it like it is: every culture has idioms. Some are self-deprecating and others were once slurs, now turned on their back. Some have rich, historical etymology. But no one has the right to tell you how to self-identify or what you and can’t say.

I use the “n-word” every day, several times a day: I live it, I I love it. And in all likelihood, so does Jesse Jackson. I use it a lot when I blog on my personal site, in my essay-writing, although don’t use it when I’m on the radio—except for once, while I was stuck doing a hillbilly talk show in Kentucky, much to the consternation of local yokels and my boss at the time—but I don’t regret it. The “n-word” is a part of my life and connects me to the experience and the black people I know best in this country. I know nothing of Negros or Coloreds, I’m hazy on Afro and/or African Americans. But from the board room to the classroom to the pool-room and the barber-shop, I know plenty of n---gas. Some white people are saddened and outraged that black people can use a word that they will be vilified for using. There are some white folks out there slinging it around, and I’m ok with that, as long as they are not surprised when someone cashes that check with their teeth. Not everyone should use the word because not everyone knows how to use it. And no, I’ll not teach you.

There’s a time and place for everything, and Jackson messed up. That’s Ok.

Even with all his flaws and foibles, Jesse Jackson’s still my … well, YOU know.

King vs. King

2008-07-14T17:28:53Z

I think we’ve all known it was just a matter of time before the children of Drs. Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King began to fight over the estate of the late civil rights leader. Nothing like a dead relation and a lot of money to make even the most sophisticated, dignified people get all Soul Food.

Bernice King and Martin Luther King III are suing Dexter King, saying he took "substantial funds" out of Coretta Scott King's estate and "wrongfully appropriated" money from Dad’s coffers for personal gain. Dexter denies the charges, but it’s hard to know where the beef is in this case. After all, if they are all Kings, aren’t they all entitled to part of the inheritance? What, he can’t take out some of his father’s money? Who says? Granted, maybe Dexter took more than his fair share, but you’d think the Kings could work it out without lawyering up.

Does anyone else think this is a case for Judge Mathis?