Gary Coleman got divorced?! Whutchu talkin' bout, Cupid??!!

As it turns out, Coleman re-joins the ranks of eligible bachelors, after getting papers from his wife of eight months Shannon Price some time ago. After rejoicing on the occasion of his nuptials just a few months ago, I know this is an election year, but I still don’t know how this newbite escaped me and my heart goes out to Coleman: it’s hard being a good man nowadays, and I should know.  Hopefully your slippery misstep into a steaming pile of matrimony has not soured your views on love and eternal bliss. Sisters: two more good men—Coleman and I—are back on the market. I’m not taking applications at this time, but I’m sure Coleman is all too eager to show the ladies his diff’rent stroke, if you catch my meaning.

Gary Coleman’s managed to bounce back with his own pay-day loan commercial and the whole nine, and just when you think the Pocket Bhudda, the Chocolate Yoda has taught you everything you needed to know about life, relationships and all their mystery (the world don't move to the beat of just ONE drum? Seriously?), we can all look at his sojourn through love’s divine and glean the lesson.

So I give you…

Ten Things About Love and Life You Could Learn from Gary Coleman

• ·         Fame is fleeting—Save up, Jack.
• ··       Moisturize—Gary sure is an ashy  lil emma-effer.
• ·         Be a Man of Action—get yourself a J-O-B.
• ·        Carpe Diem: Bitterness? Not a good look.
•      Biting is not an optimum compliance-gaining tool
• ·         Divorce Court is a really, really good way to cop a free trip and cash in on a break-up. My man—why didn’t I think of that?
• ·         Real-life 40 Year-Old Virgin = Not so got-damn, funny, huh?
• ·         Size matters after all.
• ·         Opposites attract, but DAMN.
• ·         Love has no color. Or taste.