"If you don’t know a black person well enough to ask a question about race, then you have maintained this distance by choice."

I think this is a very good point, Mr. Izrael. On some level, we HAVE to talk about these things (race, etc.) to work through it (hopefully?) to a place where "ask a Black person" info booths are no longer necessary (maybe?), but the burden is obviously on the White folks to make that effort. I laughed out loud at the "can I touch your hair" comment, since I get that a lot with my daughters. You see, I am white, and my girls (4 years and 10 months) are Black. I have been reading The Root for quite a while, but just recently started commenting in forums (particularly The Hardline and the Seed), so I will answer any white folk questions for your readers. Then again, I like to think I am not the typical white folk, I read the Root afterall, but lordknows my family is, and by definition I am too. But I am working on it.

I agree, the road should go both ways. If whites can question blacks about the cultural similarities/differences then blacks should be given the same ability to ask questions.

Oh yeah, I'm another white person you can feel free to ask, though my comments won't be typical whitey, I too am in an interracial relationship and regularly read the root, perhaps AimeeB and I could draft some of our non-enlightened friends to respond?

Sorry, Miss Lauren, but my own sister (in her ignorance) suggested that my daughter's lighter palms made her look just like a chimpanzee. I don't think she meant to be cruel, but just stupid, stupid, stupid. I am not sure I would want her speaking on behalf of anybody, let alone all Whites, because goodgod I hope she is not typical, though I know she is....sad.

Am I the only one who finds it slightly amuzing or at the very list ironic that the only people who have responded to the "Ask a white guy" question are white woman?  By the way African-American male here.  

Which scares White People more: the uneducated, "fits the description", police-procedural/local news/pop-culture stereotype that you think you know; or the college-educated, "articulate", more of us than you think there are, strong black families for whom race is an issue but not necessarily an obstacle?  Why?

"If you don’t know a black person well enough to ask a question about race, then you have maintained this distance by choice." ???

Really?  You don't think it's possible for a white person not to know any black people well enough to ask a question about race, purely by circumstance?  Have you noticed how self-segregated our society is, lately?  

OK - I'll take the leap.  I'm a white male originally from Idaho who fell in love with and married a beautiful woman of color 17 years ago (still happily together BTW).  Jimi's column made me simultaneously laugh and cry as I've been on both sides of this issue.  As you can imagine, I've made my share of gaffes, misstaements and outright screwups when it came to matters on which I was -how shall I say - ignorant.  I'd like to think I've learned a thing or two.

Sadly enough (and I know this comes as no revelation to anyone even halfway paying attention) the majority of my color deficient bretheren do not share an earnest sense of curiousity when it comes to learning about "the Other".   Too many times I've been mistaken for being "one of the boys" and have nearly come to blows over stupid, senseless, racist remarks.  

I agree that questions need to be asked - how else you gonna learn?  At the same time, I agree with Jimi's point that if by the year 2008 you haven't had any meaningful interaction with anyone outside of your social/racial circle - it's most definitely by choice.  You have to want to change and learn and yuo have to take some knocks along the way.    

Having said all that, I'll be more than happy to assist AimeeB & miss lauren on providing you the inside scoop on white folk - starting with the mystery that is lime Jello & carrot salad.                          

Mr. Izrael,

Well, as Mr. Obama said himself, he is black enough not to get picked up by cabbies in Chicago.....and I think this goes for a lot of whites, that it is the color that matters, because they often don't take them time to to befriend a person of color to find out there are so many differences. This is where I get back to what you said about "if you don't know, you haven't tried". It is a lot easier for whites to not notice the differences, rather than strain their brains trying to figure it out. This came up when I told my family that my husband and I preferred "Black" or "Black American" for our daughters, and of course they were all about the African American label. To me, saying "African" leaves out a whole lot of Blacks, any of which could be the ancestors of my girls (Brazil, Haiti, etc., you get my drift) but the point is that they don't think of Blacks in the diaspora-sense, just how they have to appropriately "deal" with them so as not to offend. I also like to use Black to underscore the (unfortunate) universality of the person of color experience--like Mr. Obama said, if you don't know hiim, he is just a scary Black man who's gonna force you to drive to CG and rob you. This is easier for whites to accept, it fits their worldview, doesn't cause any cognitive dissonance, and they can just keep avoiding people of color as much as possible, comforted by the thought that they are not doing anything WRONG by not affiliating with Blacks (or other people of color) and live their happy lives. THe things that whites know about Blacks is what is on the evening news, 2/3 of prison inmates are Black, affirmative action, young Black men have a higher chance of going to prison than college...etc...and since they don't know better, they accept this as proof that they should just stay away. Again, not doing anything ACTIVELY bad (at least in their minds) but still *resolving* the issue. That is why white women LOVE Oprah--she satisfies the white guilt about not having any Black friends, but she is one of the "articulate" ones that makes them feel comfortable (I am sort of joking with that last comment....sort of). The "how black is too black" takes me back to the hair thing. If you are Black and straighten your hair (women) or wear it close cropped (men and women) then you are seen as more "reasonable", especially in the workplace, but if you still have the locs in your picture (I am guessing), Mr. Izrael, you may know how people react to more natural hair. You are one of them, even in a suit and tie, those folks who want reparations when I didn't do anything to those people, those folks who take jobs they aren't qualified for, etc. For petes sake, Wolf Blitzer said to Jesse Jackson, "so you are in Africa..." CONTINENT! AFRICA IS A WHOLE BLOODY CONTINENT! He was IN Tanzania. and to top it all off, the ticker at the bottom kept saying Arshuna or something for the city...when it is in fact Arusha!!! (I have been there.Great restaurants.)

I guess I don't have a good answer, Mr. Izrael. Maybe because there isn't one. In some ways it is psychological, it is easier to take what you are fed about Blacks and accept it as true (news media, etc.) than to challenge yourself to learn, and then just lump y'all together. I think this is also evident in the "you are so articulate" thing--that on some level all Blacks are either gangsta rappers and hangers on, middle class straight hair you are so articulate folks, or members of a Trinity Church that just hate us anyway so why even bother.

I am going to have a cocktail now. At 3 in the afternoon. Hope this helps, but totally willing to keep talking about it. :)

 I don't know if I count as a white folk, since I'm bi-racial; my father was (is?) Mexican and my mother white.  As such, the white side of my family kind of kept me at arms length, and the Mexicn community my mother tried mightily to get me accepted into did so as well.  So I'm a what...girl who is white but not White and mexican only by virtue of DNA and a love for tamales. Don't know if that makes me white enough, but I'm pretty sure I could speculate on White folk ways for those who care to ask a question.  

 I never, ever had the desire to touch my friend Barbette's hair just for the sake of touching it, I asked her to teach me how she did it, so I could do hers when we had sleepovers, and she helped me with mine too, we just used different products.  Is this really something that ignorant folk do, ask to touch your hair because it's different?  I know, that's me asking a question but man, it's hard to believe there's people around still today that ignorant.  Wait, what am I saying...of course there's people that ignorant still around today.  

  Let's work to make ignorance a thing of the past, open the dialogue, ask your questions, bring it on!

For Gabrielle

"Which scares White People more: the uneducated, "fits the description", police-procedural/local news/pop-culture stereotype that you think you know; or the college-educated, "articulate", more of us than you think there are, strong black families for whom race is an issue but not necessarily an obstacle?  Why?"

I am not going to speak for the entire white race, but I can speak for myself.

I am scared only by the 'uneducated, "fits the description", police-procedural/local news/pop-culture stereotype that you think you know' group because I have more in common with "the college-educated, "articulate", more of us than you think there are, strong black families for whom race is an issue but not necessarily an obstacle" group.

Let me explain why. I was walking to the school where I teach one frosty winter morning and was viciously assaulted by three young black males. I do not know these three young men personally but I will wager a large sum of money that these darlings 1) are uneducated and 2) fit the decription of police/procedural/local news/pop culture stereotype that I think I know.

Gabrielle - there is nothing frightening about your second description to white people...living in DC, I'd love it if that description fit most of the folks in my neighborhood, but that's not the case - they live in the suburbs.  I don't know if that squares with other people's experience, but here, a very large percentage of the educated and intact black families have left the city.  Of course, there are still plenty of decent folks left, but there are more of the people you mention in your first example - uneducated, underemployed, had-a-kid-at-eighteen types.  

What's scary is living in close proximity to people of this stripe and dealing with the attendant problems they cause for everyone around them.

Does blonde and thin equal good looking when talking about white women?

Regarding Mr. Izrael's last post:

You may not be able to decipher who is a "safe" black person versus with 100% accuracy based solely on appearance, but a prudent person is going to be more concerned about a 20-something black male in a wifebeater and baggy jeans walking behind them than the same dude in dress slacks and a collared shirt.  It's just nature - every animal on the planet depends on certain visual cues to gauge potential threats, and humans in particular are in total control of the image they project by their manner of dress and how they carry themselves.  At any rate, walking in my neighborhood at night, if a person in my first description crosses the street to meet you, it's probably not to ask for directions, but for your wallet.

And yes, I do make judgments about white people based on the same things as above - how they choose to present themselves by clothing and demeanor.  Only and idiot wouldn't.

However, it's worth noting that in DC at least, there are way more opportunities to make these types of judgments about black people since they are the largest demographic group in the city regardless of class/income, whereas in terms of white people in the city proper, there just are hardly any that aren't middle or upper class.

I am an African-American woman, and I am all for anything that encourages people to talk about the real and imagined differences between us, and how race is experienced differently for so-called minorities and those born with inherent privileges because of the color of their skin.  Heck, if it were up to me, I'd put an "ask a black guy/girl" booth on every corner in America,  This is a dialogue that is way overdue and absolutely necessary if we are going to move forward.

Here's another white dude - 34 years old, born & raised in the whitest of white suburban CT towns (east of the river, not the NY side!), now a long-time resident of the metro Boston area.  I also drove a Boston cab for several years, up until last summer, which gave me a crash course in certain aspects of both race and class.  I'd be glad to expound on those experiences further, or answer any generic "Ask A White Folk" questions.  The reason I mention the cab driving is this - I actually found myself answering questions about white people somewhat regularly.  I imagine that was partially because I was one of the few white drivers who treated *all* my passengers with respect, which was in fact the most frequent topic of discussion.  ("You're so polite, what's wrong with all your coworkers?")  And truth be told, my black passengers most often wanted to *** about the Haitian drivers.  I don't know if that's because people are tired of complaining about overtly, outrageously racist white people (a description that fits a lamentable percentage of my fellow white drivers), or if people thought complaining about Haitians would be some kind of common ground (since everyone driving, riding in or even standing near a cab is likely to do it).

Alright, enough about me.  What can I tell you about White Folk?

As a white teacher at a school that is 99% black in a neighborhood that is the same, you would be suprised at the questions I get asked now that my students are comfortable enough to ask them. A lot of them don't know "the ways of white folks." You should have heard the hoopla the first time I got angry enough for my face to turn red. Apparently my kids had not seen that before, Nor had they seen anyone get really pale when they were feeling sick, or ever heard of someone having to wash their hair every single day! (This seemed ridiculous to them, why would anyone do that?) I am happy to oblige them and ask them questions I don't know the answer to. But I do find myself all to often the ambassador between my two worlds, both by my white friends who have no black friends (I live in ATL seriousl?) and my black students who have no white friends (again, ATL seriously?).

I think everybody does it--judge based on appearances, but that they way whites "judge" Black folk has some sinister consequences, think racial profiling and convicting Blacks with crack more often and more severly than whites with cocaine. We label other whites as white trash, rednecks, good ole'boys, players, dumb jocks, goths...sound like a rundown of highschool but these judgements do little in the way of instituionalizing oppression the way whites judging Blacks does. I think we do it because we can, it makes us feel like we have some control over a situation, and straight up don't know any Blacks to counteract their prejudice. In psychology we call it a "representative heuristic." A heuristic is a cognitive mechanism we use to order our world and make everyday decisions, even the littlest ones. A representative heuristic is basing you decision making (like judging others) based on the easiest, most common and available "representation" of something. In this case, what we see in the media--very, very few positive images of Blacks and lots of negative stuff. The common example is how people fear getting eaten by shark or struck by lightening, because we hear about these kind of stories in the news because they are so outrageous--we HEAR about them way more often than the odds truly are that they might happen to us, but our heuristic relies on the represenation, not the actual probablity. Whites do the same thing for Blacks, and it has some serious consequences, especiialy because it keeps the barriers up, like you said, the worst kind of racism.

18Bloomer: generally white women think they have to be thinner than white men think to be attrractive, but definitely thin, like no bigger than a size 8 (for women) men are more OK with 10-12 (14 is considered plus or full-figured). Blond is not necessarily as important as big boobs. Hot is generally big boobs, makeup, somewhat sexy/provocative dress. Think a Budweiser commercial.

I'm a 31-year-old white guy.  Since the procedure for my fellow white guys in this thread seems to include citing experiences in non-white-guy environments, I guess I'll mention that I played varsity basketball at Oberlin and the majority of the team was black and I was friends with several of my teammates.  I also grew up in rural Appalachia so I have exposure to that milieu.  Yay for me.

AimeeB has it basically right on what white guys find attractive, although a minority of us do actually prefer women who don't look like stick figures with fake ***.

On the "who are you more scared of" question.  I think the key point here that to many white people, another white person is just "person", whereas a black person is "black person."  Thus, when I get a beer bottle thrown at me from a pickup for no reason when I'm running at night in rural PA, I just think "redneck ***".  I don't think "white ***".  Race doesn't really enter my mind.  But for a white person who has an experience like Bed-Stuy Boy's, the visceral reaction is not "thuggish assholes" but rather "thuggish black ***".

I am a black woman who was raised in both the suburbs and inner city of Philadelphia and throughout my life have had friends of all colors (Black, White, Asian, Latino and Native American). I have been the rich kid of the poor neighborhood and the poor kid of the rich neighborhood.  One thing that I noticed that only some former white friends of mine have done is to treat me differently when I am the only person of color around.  They have been cold and standoffish.  It's sad because my grandparents came up North during the great migration and the first thing that my grandmother told me when we moved to the suburbs is that no matter how nice white people seem, never trust them, because when you're the only Black around, they'll stab in you in the back like the two of you were never friends.  I told my grandmother that not all white people are like that, but unfortunately most of my experiences with white friends up through college have confirmed what my grandmother said to be correct.

My friends of other non-black ethnicities have never done this when I happen to be the only Black person at one of their social gatherings (although with my other friends, this situation is a rareity, they typically have more than one Black friend).

Why do some white people do this?  The lesson I learned is to never be a white person's first Black friend and it hasn't happened to me since then.  By the way, I am an attorney and the only Black person in the office. Not the only Black attorney, I mean the only Black person.  The other attorney's in the office have always been open and friendly. However, it took a while for the secretaries and file clerks to relax around me.  I think that I would probably be their first Black friend and I make it a point to watch my back around them.  I hate to be this way but it has helped me to survive being the only Black face in the classroom and in the court room.  White people, what are your thoughts?

Cherisse--

For all my blathering about how enlightened I am, I know that in some ways, at least once I have been that weird, rude white person. But please know that some of us do recognize that we have the artificial and inexcusable biases and ACTIVELY work to correct them. Take my office, three white women, myself included, and one Black woman.  I realized through a random conversation with staff from other departments, that I was always talking to, complaining about management to, etc. only the white women in my office. I was appalled at my self!!! Now I don't think I have ever stabbed this Black woman in the back, but I was clearly indulging in my unconscious bias to congregate with other whites. Let me report that I have since developed a great friendship with my Black colleague that I would have missed out on had I not been able to recognize my inherent bias. Unfortunately, sometimes it really is a product of the environment in which I was raised and the lingering efects of a racist culture. I am sorry for all my mistakes, and like I said, some of us do try to fix them. I think the problem is whites still don't get their inherent privilege, even in micro-environments like offices, and don't see anything wrong with the "isolate the Black folk" concept. I don't know. Does this make sense?

The problem for people like Cherisse is that as long as a far too high percentage of black Americans behave in negative ways that garner lots of media attention, folks that have little other experience to fall back on are going to act based on what they think they can learn anecdotally from the news or second-hand information.

The truth is that it's pointless for anyone to pretend that black America is a cohesive group - there is an ever-expanding cohort that fits the educated, middle-to-upper class mold that frankly has more in common with white people of similar education and income than the "fits the description" type of black person that was previously mentioned.  While solidarity in the name of a common racial background may have made sense during the civil rights era, today I think it's an anachronism.  There is a disturbingly high percentage of black Americans whose self-defeating behavior (out of wedlock births, lack of interest in education, high rates of criminal and violent behavior) that overshadows the achievements of the rest because dinosaurs like the NAACP, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and plenty of old-guard black politicians insist that they are all linked together.  And no amount of government social spending or gnashing of teeth about whether institutional this or that has caused their plight is going to fix the problem - it's going to take the good, solid people who make up the bulk of black Americans putting their foot down and making it clear that they won't carry political water for those who insist on continuing practices that guarantee underclass status, and refusing to be painted with the same brush.

Jimi man -  really, you don't think white folks can be honest?:  You know the ways of white folks to well?? Damn, you just pigeon holed a whole gang of people. I ve been in the military my whole life (born and raised then joined)  So maybe I have a different perspective, or maybe its those Antho degrees, but I find all people interesting as hell.  I've served with white folk from the south, germans from wisconsin, puerto ricans, samoans New York Italians, a couple of Lakotas, 2nd generation arabs, asians of all stripes and black folks from every corner of the country...  Any one of them has my back, and has on more than one occasion literally saved my sorry ass. Me?  I am the grandchild of Catholic North Africans - the census bureau conciders us white...so  i guess you've already got me figured out

I'm just about as white as they come (I think). I did not know what a "dap" was until now (true confession).

I happened on this site by chance today. It was my own chance to not "Ask a Black Guy" but to just read and observe and -- I thought maybe learn something more about the response to the Obama nomination etc. Everybody loves a celebration.

However, when I read Mr. Izrael's piece I was disheartened by the hipper than thou attitude. The take of the too cool-- that once, they (the white folk) know the secret handshake it's time to roll your eyes and come up with a new one. It smacks of an exclusionary clique.

You know what scares me? The thought that maybe most black people really cannot make it. Maybe there is a socio-cultural/genetic component to this seemingly intractible problem of family disfunction,crime, violence, and impulsive behavior we see in so many of our young black men. Maybe it really is rooted in millions of years of primitive sociobiology and deeply implanted in the black soul. Many black people are obviously successful and perhaps have learned to sublimate this ancient heritage. But many others succumb to it and become victims or criminals in modern society. I realize this is a terribly racist idea, however that doesn't mean it isn't at least partially valid

"No, no. I think we know the ways of white folks far too well. " How racist is that remark?

I am a middle aged, middle class, white woman who grew up in a family of racists and subsequently raised two beautiful young women of color. I was married to their father for 15 years, and race was the cause for that marriage ending. It seemed that after about 11 years of living with me, he suddenly noticed I wasn't black (or maybe he just realized he was). He joined an organization that purported to promote strong families, but apparently only strong BLACK families qualified as I was not accepted. I pointed out that if I had joined an organization that didn't accept black people, he would have been gone the next day. But no, I stayed two more years trying to work things out. In the end, I had to choose between staying with him and respecting myself. That was over ten years ago and it still burns. Why do people think of racism only in tems of white on black?

Having been on both sides of the issue, I have to say I've come across as much racism against whites by people of all races as I have coming from white people. There is racism between all races - hispanics who don't like blacks, asians who don't like hispanics, everybody against those of middle eastern descent, etc.

When I see a young man wearing a wife-beater t-shirt and baggy pants -- of ANY race -- I check my car doors to make sure they are locked. It has much more to do with the attire than the race. As I always taught my daughters: if you dress like you do, people will think you do whether you do or not.

Those who are educated, who dress the part, speak the part, live the part, are treated the part because they accept nothing less. Those who shun education, dress street, talk street, act street, are treated street because that is what their actions say they choose to be. We teach others how to treat us by how we carry ourselves. Yes there are some people who will treat us how they are gonna treat us based on skin color no matter what we do or who we are -- but that has to do with who THEY are, not who we are. And white people have to deal with this too -- from other races, and from other whites who dislike our choices.

Don't assume you know me just because of the color of my skin, and I'll do the same for you.

Answers from a member of the less-pigmented;

Gabrielle: Not every white person is afraid of black person. I happen to be afraid of neither the "media steroetype" or the educated type.

I did, however, take a psychlogy test recently (posted at the same place as the "ask a-" column.) It showed that I was biased against darker-skinned people (as in, very dark-skinned black people) I was surprised that alot of the old theories about how black people are protrayed in the media is haveing a subtle psychological effect seem to be true. It was not a fear-thing, though.

IzraelJ: The "Black" question. I think it would be safe to say that Barack is black enough--and always was-- to be considered black by most white people. I have connections in the campaign and I was reminding a friend the other day how far it has come. I reminded him that blacks were the last to get on board. We had a laugh over that bc it is such a given now. Barack's blackness was only questioned by other blacks.

by the way: I grew up in chicago, and it is only recently that I have felt close enough to a black friend to be able to ask questions to her about blackness. But I appreciate a forum that is anonymous sometimes because some of myquestions may be silly!

and also: IzraelJ: I don;t normally read your articles because I get the feeling you don't like white people very much and are somewhat aggressive about it. FYI.

RE: HAIR TOUCHING

I am glad this was brought up. In grade school, sometimes the black girls would touch my hair ( I had very long blonde hair). The first time, I was all weirded out by it and ran to the teacher. My teacher was black, as were about 1/3 of my classmates. She explained that their hair was different and they just wanted to touch mine. She didn't make me get all militant about it. But for adults it has to be weird to experience it. I would chalk it up to bad manners if they do it w/o asking, and strange curiosity if they do ask.  I have always had pretty hair so other people always wanted to touch it as well, which may have desensitized me to it. Always better to ask, though!

I find these comments interesting. I have decided to not mention my race because I happen to think we are more alike than different.  I also think we are all pretty different.  We all wonder what it would be like to go to Italy or Liberia or China, etc.  Most of us haven't been there and there would be a lot of cultural differences.  See, I've already made an assumption....perhaps many don't ever care to go to one of these places or contemplate what it would be like.

How many times have you heard in either nasty tones or just interest "why do you think that person does what they do, it seems to me that is dumb or self-defeating or mean or the crazyest thing I have ever seen anyone do."  How many times have you heard comments about any race or nationality "those people" as if everyone of a given race or nationality were clones of each other.

How many times have you heard a person of any race (someone not generally disposed to noticing the bad aspects demonstrated by some of their own race) "yes, but it is worse for us because...."

How many times have you had a person of more means than yourself say something that sounds like they don't understand where you are coming from and apparently you don't understand where they are coming from....and they want to "be your friend" and play like you have the sense to see things the same way as they do.  Or maybe we are guilty of this.

Face it, none of us even understand our family and friends completely....we all are part heritage, part where we came from, part where we have gotten, who we know, who we observe, what we think different people think of us, etc.  We all have questions we would love to ask, but don't consider it polite.  We all have people we are afraid of...sometimes because it makes sense and sometimes even if it doesn't.  Many of us have tried to bridge a race gap, only to be told later by a close friend....they didn't think you should have said that....they think you meant....and that wasn't nic.e...or worse yet that was cruel...you don't even try to understand.  At the same time you are hurt...should youever try to do this again?

Please note the above conversation was not held with the parties in question (that's too uncomfortable) but with an intermediatery.  Children will ask questions....the best you can hope for is when they do, the person questioned will answer truthfully (rudeness excused because they are a child) and the child's adults will hear the answer they were too "polite" to ask.

When we finally figure out that there are rude people of all stripes, and reasonable people of all stripes....and that we really don't have to match everyone's "things" or be ridiculed because "we match their "things" but we do it wrong, that will be a new beginning.  But this can take a long time and doesn't occur completely in any society.

It doesn't hurt for us to realize that who ever hurt our feelings can be ignored, forgiven or whatever.....even stayed away from if that is the most reasonable choice for the time being.  We can't make others behave the way we think they should but we can choose our attitude about it. We can even choose it to be a stepping stone or a learning experience or we can let it take us down.

The other side of this is when we see an injustice or harm....stand up for what is right, try to be an example of what a reasonable, truthful person should do.  When you are fighting for yourself and espically when you are fighting for someone that needs your support.

If you are complaining "the other side doesn't understand you or doesn't treat you right", do some real soul searching to see if you could be right or just whiny...or perhaps both.

OK...no I don't get all this stuff right all the time, I just think these are things I should always try to do right.  The Bible suggests we get the log outof our own eye before we go prospecting for a speck in someone else's eye.

Let's just consider each other human....and humans make a lot of mistakes.

I would love to know what race you think I am.  Here are some clues: I'm adopted, I don't know who my birth father was....neither does anyone else....well see, even I don't know what I am.  There was a father on the birth certificate...but the rumor is "back in those days there was no proof of what the mother put down."  There were reasons to believe that I was born on a slightly different date than is listed....but I don't recall the reasons anymore.  How do you know what to complain about when you don't know exactly what you are? LOL

"Chances are better that somebody black will have a better, more honest answer."

Wow, Jimi. When you start the forum off with such a positive, open attitude, how can it not go well? If that wasn't intended to bait whites into having a defensive response, I'd like to see one that is. You sort of blew your credibility with that one. I can't imagine anyone could read that line and STILL believe you truly want a forum with open dialogue.

Race is the one issue we need to talk about and NOBODY wants to talk about. Oh, we'll talk about it with people of our own race, but that's about it. And what choice do we have? The truth is, to start educating each other, we would have to start talking about our true feelings and ideas---and then everybody gets offended and angry and then the whole dialogue shuts down. Have you ever watched a talk-show where people talk about race? They totally flip out. You can't say ANYTHING without upsetting somebody. We sit there and say that we want to help whites get rid of their erroneous notions of blacks---and the minute a white person expresses those notions, we don't try to discuss it and educate him. We get upset and attack him and tell him he's a jerk for even HAVING that notion. Is that supposed to actually get us somewhere?

 I think that a lot of blacks see whites in two categories:

1. The bumbling nitwit who tires to give you a "dap".

2. The white guy who DOESN'T try to act like he's "down" with you---and therefore must not like blacks.

I appreciate the open forum to ask and answer questions within any program.  But let me point one thing out, how is the opening blog not racist in its own right?  You cannot ask whitey to not be predjudice, when in some form the moderator is.  I do not stereotype, hate, or fear any race.  I, do however fear assumed predjudice.  I am one of those people, who likes everyone, and until someone is rude to me I have no opinion one way or another of them...and believe me people of all races have been rude to me.  People ask all the time to touch my hair, or my belly when pregnant, or heavn forbid my a**.  Am I offended?  No!  I appreciate them asking and not just doing.  Additionally, not everyone is exposed to other races, I travelled through towns that never saw a black person, and through black communities who have had little or no contact with a white person.  We are self-segregrated, and we love to complain about it!  

I am disturbed by some of Mr. Izrael's comments; especially "I’m sure somebody white will wander in here to address them, probably sooner than later. Chances are better that somebody black will have a better, more honest answer", and “Funny, how black people never have any questions about white folks. No, no. I think we know the ways of white folks far too well”

I am a black professional woman, a wife and mother of three and what makes you think you know me at all?  How can you say that a person’s answer is less honest and less valid because they are white? That is ridiculous statement.

For someone who on the surface appears to want equality (maybe I am wrong, I am new to this site), you certainly seem to make a lot of inflammatory and prejudicial statements. Even if equality is not your goal, then surely your goal is not to further the gap between races? Because comments like these do so.

If your comments had been made by a white person, and the black with the white reversed, Oh Lord! Everyone would be up in arms about it, but because your prejudice is towards whites it is acceptable?

This blatant “acceptable racism” is what frightens me the most and it is exactly the type of thing that will ensure that prejudice will never end. I am also disturbed by the small amount of readers that didn’t notice it, or noticed and went along with your “acceptable racism”.

For the record, I did not want Obama to win the Primary. I don’t think he has enough experience yet to lead this country. Maybe a few years from now he will, but not yet. And this has nothing to do with color. I just feel that Hilary was the better candidate.

We are not in this mess because President Bush is white; we are here because poor choices were made. We (black people) are capable of making poor choices as well. There are many others, black and white that would have made much better choices, and race has nothing to do with it.

And for the record- I am afraid of thugs of any color that walk towards me at night on a deserted street. I am not more afraid of one or the other, I don’t care what color they are. I readily admit that I would be less afraid of well dressed young men.

Also, you apparently do not keep up with the trends of this country.  This country as a whole is embracing the Black-American lifestyle.  You see it on TV, in videos, on the street, and even fashion.  I still see the black community complaining, about "dap" of all things.  Should the white community be hateful when the black community wants to do the same and adopt trends that are primarily "white" in nature?  Initially the complaint was that white people did nothing to align themselves with the black culture.  Now you are complaining that they are, make up your mind and pick a side of the fence.  Additionally, you are propagating the very thing you define as hateful.  Tolerance goes both ways!!!  

38 year old white guy here, with a few things that you can take or leave as you will.  (And it might be worth mentioning that my nephew who I do my best to look out for is bi-racial black and white, and my best friend in the world... aside from my wife... is a gay black guy.)  I've also had a number of other black friends, some close and some not.

And these are questions to anyone, of any gender, orientation, or race.  I'm not simply asking one group or another.  (After all, isn't much of this about NOT focusing on one race or other group or another?)

1 - First off is a comment by izraelj about the "black... not BLACK" prejudice.  For me, that's as silly as me saying "I'm white... but not WHITE!"  (What's that mean?  It's like a decorator saying "The paint is ivory, not eggshell."  Well, to me, white is white,  Black is black, brown is brown.  I only recognize shades when necessary... and it's not necessary with race IMHO.)  

2 - The second is that I have never understood the aspect of ANY racial background saying anything like "That's OUR word.  You can't use it!"  (This is most obvious with the "dreaded N-word"... but can apply to many other words for many other races.)  To me, this only perpetuates racial and cultural divisions.  Either EVERYONE should be allowed to use a word, or NOBODY should be allowed to use it.  It's not the word itself that causes the damage.  It's the intent behind the word.  (After all, ANY word can be a derogatory or insulting word if used with that intent.

I would LOVE for someone to help me understand the sense behind those two items.  Because I sure can't understand why people of all backgrounds cry out for equality while at the same time insisting on divisions.

The other one that gets me a little is something a lot of people might think is absurd in its own way... But there seems to be some interesting emphasis in comedy and other places of black men often preferring to date white women.  (Meanwhile, the fact that there are likely only slightly fewer relationships with black women and white men, or any other interracial romantic relationships.)  Why does this need to be such an issue?  To quote Motormouth Mabel from "Hairspray" on discovering the romance between Penny and Seaweed:  Love is a gift.

Yeah, I know this seems a little "train of thought", and it is partly.  But they're just a few of the many questions I've had.  (Along with such things like why there's so much prejudice in both directions between any number of groups... racial, sexual orientation, economic, religious, and so forth.)

If anyone can lend some insight here, I think it might do some good... even if to a few people who take the time to wonder.

Silverwind.

I live in a very diverse community (military overseas.)   I have asked questions of my friends (not just black, but asian and hispanic too) but sometimes people want to be anonymous with their questions.  If a white person grew up in a rural setting with little to no contact with other races they may be embarassed to ask questions.  I would rather someone ask a stupid question, get the correct answer and move on.  

As fro the "pound" b/t Sen. Obama and his wife - I think that is more an issue of age than race.  The people who comment on it are likely older (and/or rebublicans).  

Would you have commented it McCain and his wife pounded when they won the nomination?

@ Arclight, BedStuyWhiteBoy and katwalk:  I should be more specific about my earlier post.  I know that the Unfortunate Stereotypes (that too often turn out to be true) are scary, in the very real and primal sense of the the word.  However I've noticed, in my dealings with my White in-laws and some neighbors or friends of friends, that Educated Black Folk induce an existential fear.  

For example, at my wedding reception, my Father-in-law, not the most enlightened guy out there by any standard, wore on his face a look of real fear.  He was surrounded, for the first time in his life, by Black doctors, attorneys, investment bankers, corporate executives, entrepreneurs (real ones, not the Homeboy Shopping Network), teachers and Ivy League students.  It's possible that he was just afraid of that many Black people in a room at once, but my family and friends don't fit the description.  None of us are particularly threatening or thuggish, but there he was, in existential fear that everything he believed--everything he KNEW--about us was being challenged.  We were all "Different"!  You can't be a racist when the N*****s won't cooperate and behave badly.  We freaked him out, but good.

That's just one example, but I've seen other Whites, who are not overt racists, who probably don't think of race much at all, if ever, who are at the very least confused to learn that I come from a two-parent household, that my son was born in wedlock, that my brother and I have both finished college, that I don't "sound Black" on the telephone, etc., etc., ad nauseam.  

So I guess my question was less about fear, either primal or existential, and more about discomfort, which is a completely different thing.  Fear of thugs is just sensible; self-preservation has nothing to do with bigotry.  But for those Whites who accept that a Black face must, by definition, be a thug's face--no matter how many Denzels, Oprahs or Baracks and Michelles there really are in America--what level of discomfort is attached to the existence of the Washingtons, the Winfreys and the Obamas?  

Or, on the smaller and more personal scale, how uncomfortable would it make a man like my FIL that my Blackness is not inherently a flaw?  What must it be like to have one's worldview upended by my presence at a family dinner, or a neighborhood barbecue, or an office party?

Everyone: what do you all think of the Michelle Obama "whitey" rumor?

It feels to me like it is probably just a rumor, but if it is true, I already have a good retort: (note probably better if used by *white folk* among other whites using this as latest excuse to back mccain over obama) This may also work if you are black, asking whites, but tread lightly. Remember the point is to get ppl to vote for Obama, not "win" an argument.

ask them:

"Have you ever used the word "***"? Ever uttered it in your life? "

Taking a very judgemental or condemnatory tone will not be helpful, as shaming people or overexposing their hypocrisy will just make them dig their heels in. The idea is to plant a seed in their own mind about how absurd it is to judge Michelle on the use of the word "whitey". That will allow them to arrive at that conclusion themselves. I don't believe Michelle is some secret racist. I find "whitey" to be a funny word. Obviously tone matters, but really? They keep trying to paint Michelle as some militant or something.

Any thoughts on this?

Also, regarding the "ask a white folk" concept

there was a library somewhere that arranged a similar project, but face-to-face

you could ask questions to a muslim, a gay person, a blonde woman (I seem to remember)

it seemed like a great idea and i always thought it would be cool to participate in something like that

by the way, in my earlier post about michelle, that was the N word. automatically gets censored i guess

Gabrielle said the following, "Which scares White People more: the uneducated, "fits the description", police-procedural/local news/pop-culture stereotype that you think you know; or the college-educated, "articulate", more of us than you think there are, strong black families for whom race is an issue but not necessarily an obstacle?  Why?" Well, Gabrielle, I am a real, in the flesh white man... yes that's right... a white man has done infiltrated this piece. But nah, seriously, this is a very valid question. I myself think that white people are more concerned about an African-American revolution, and if not, they think the Muslims or the Mexicans or going to sneak up on them one day. I had a guy at work the other day ask me the most ridiculous question ever as I am the token Liberal and college student in the office... he asked me, "Do I think black people are ready to run this country?" I almost ---- my pants... As Kanye West so eloquently put it, "racism is still alive, they just be concealing it." Documented examples of such racism are as follows: 1. You go to prison for 20 years for crack, but 2 years for cocaine... the only problem is that it is the same drug... same thing, same chemical. 2. Removal of affirmative action 3. The most disgusting example of all is trying to privatize education and give grants to already well funded charter schools. Meanwhile, inner-city kids (and I was one for a while... poverty diacriminates, but it does have some white hosts) are singing "he's got the whole wide world in his hands..." in 4th grade... in a public school, not a religious school. They should be teaching kids how to read, they should be teaching them math... but they don't. And then, colleges talk about how diverse they are because they pay for an African-American or other minority student to go to college. What good is it... the system already ----ed them up... how do you reverese 18-years of bogus education? Especially when a lot of urban kids (mostly black, but I used to live in Miami, so we had a little interesting mix there going on) have parents in prison (and this is a stereotype... and not one I so much wish to perpetuate, but that I think has some truth to it do to structural problems in society. If you are poor you go to a bad school, can get a good job, and you find your --- in jail 9 times out of ten). In the same sense, impoverished white kids feel doubly disadvantaged because they have to work hard and pull themselves out of the situation, but have trouble getting college grants. Now, you have poor white folk blaming poor black folks for their plight, and poor black folks are wondering why the poor white folks aren't rich because white folks are the ones on TV making executive decisions (until Obama whips McCain). It's a lot of racism, but there is also a significant degree of class warfare in this piece as well as the rich are watching the lower and middle class rip themselves apart like we were Iraq and Iran in the 1980s. So, the truth of the matter is this... poor white people are scared of a powerful black intellectual because they've bought into Reagan's idea of "welfare queens" (when regular welfare is dwarfed by corporate and small business welfare. I mean, think about it. Welfare might amount to about $10,000 in a year... there are people with 8 houses and only one butt to sit on who are now declaring bankruptcy. They get to keep one of their houses, roll equity for the other 7 houses around, and eventually they end of stealing over a million dollars from the state in a bail-out on a risk investment... Instances like this, which are incredibly common these days, amount to 100 welfare recepients... so we need to keep it real and get things into perspective for just a moment) and they think that a black President will increase transfer payments to excess. Rich white people are scared because they read history and they know what happened in the French Revolution. I quite frankly, would not oppose something like that at all as our governmental establishment has already sold all us poor people down the river. Just remember though, the poor white people are not your enemy, they are victims of their ignorance, slaves of popular perception, the puppets of major media outlets. We do need to have a discussion between races and that is something I strongly advocate before the unpublicized divide becomes to deep to mend without such heavy costs as we have endured as people in the past. However, instead of asking a stereotyped "black guy" what's poppin' in the streets, why don't we ask a black executive, a black professor, a black scholar what is really going on. How about this... rather than pointing to things they say as radical and demean them by calling them black theology, why don't we give them a chance to support their arguments so that we can grow as a nation, as a people regardless of race. Respond everybody, I'm interested in what everyone else is feeling.

PS... I wrote this kinda loosely and scatterbrained, I hope nobody minds too much.

I will read, "The Ways of White Folks" although the title is a bit off-putting to me.  You'll see why in a moment.  As a white male, I have the dubious luxury of not having to identify myself by my color.  The only whites I know who do it are supremecists.  Most whites don't think of themselves as, 'white'.  We have the other luxury of being able to specifically trace our roots, or edit them.  Hence you hear such statements as "I'm of Irish descent.", or "I'm Irish/English'French'Russian'.  It really gets ridiculous after a bit.  For years, I thought we were 100% Irish until I found out that it was because no one would discuss the German side.  This, comparatively, is a luxury as it's a choice that most Americans of African descent don't have.  I'm sure that most whites do not understand this basic and important difference.

Gabrielle:

It could just be a lack of exposure to real live black ppl. Remember, lots of black communities are self-segregated.

also, notice the tone of Izraels writing. How do you think his angle makes white people feel? the thing is that guys like him tend to stand out and are memorable. maybe the white people at that event had encounters with guys like him and are waiting to be trashed behind their backs? I never read him because i'm like, okay, i get it, you're angry. it feels old and tired.

There are historical, and current, reasons for black anger (look at voter suppression, etc in this primary) I was even pissed on behalf of black ppl about the voter suppression and i came to understand better that there is alot of powder in that keg. But many white people never did anything to repress blacks. Combine that with whites that don't know alot of blacks not because they don't like them, and maybe everyone then reads the situation differently.