The mainstream media initially reported that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer had come under fire for his "involvement with a prostitution ring." He has resigned, but that's far removed from the point for me. At first blush, the reporting suggested that he was a procurer—a pimp. I was confused: what's going on? But gently, the reporting unraveled to reveal that Spitzer was accused of transporting a woman over state lines and paying her $4,300 to meet him at his hotel with the idea that he would get some, you know, horizontal conversation. I like my news hard and fast, so all the implications and equivocating frustrated me. And I bet I'm not alone.
So as a public service, I'm gonna walk you through it: If the allegations come out in the wash, then Spitzer was not "involved with a prostitution ring." Spitzer, in the vernacular, was a trick. What's a "trick?" I'm so glad you asked.
I like to use Geneva Smitherman's Black Talk when I need academic definitions of barbershop terminology. Smitherman defines a trick as "someone easily manipulated" or alternately "a customer of a prostitute." Anyone that would pay for sex can be easily manipulated, so you can see how these definitions crossover. Tricks are not only men who pay for sex, but they pay for the attentions of women who sell their attentions e.g. strippers. Men pay women for sex for the same reason they cheat: for relief and the illusion of control. And some pay them, you know… just to TALK.
Spitzer is alleged to have paid out $80,000 to a service that provided educated women with all kinds of conversation. For 80 large, she better chat like Kissinger, Jack. Before you start a telethon for him, don't feel too bad. Tricks often have a slush fund so they can hide money from their wives and significant others to pay for lap-dances, champagne room "conversations" and the like. This is ultimately how Spitzer was nicked, as it turns out. (Two words, Spitz: Credit Union.)
Powerful men pay exclusive services thousands of dollars because the days of sexing the secretary in the broom closet are over. Post-Lewinsky, those with the means are willing to pay for confidentiality and a reasonable assurance that the woman in question is disease-free. Now, Spitzer's in something of a "trick bag:" a bad position he can see no way out of. Me? It stinks like a set-up plot against a man who had too many enemies to name. But it serves him right. This is what happens when you hold yourself up as a paragon of morality only to get caught tricking out dough to a prostitute the day before Valentine's Day.
The news media wants to stop just shy of calling Spitzer a John. When Marion Barry got caught, they didn't say he got caught lighting fire to a hard, stone-like substance. They called him a crack head. I like my news clear and precise, man. Whether he resigns or not, I will always call him a trick, so there is no confusion.
I know this quandary lay as heavy on your brain as it did mine. So I'm glad I was here to help.
