I couldn't agree with you more.  Quality parenting is of course important but 2 dummies don't outperform one person that knows what they are doing..  A lot of the fathers that make up those statistics aren't even absent they just pretend to be so they can get over on the system.  I have serious questions about those statistics that say most black children don't have fathers.  First of all it's not biologically possible.  With all this birth control and abortions going on there is no way that 70% of our children were created by one night stands.  I mean both parents might not live in the same house ,but that doesn't mean they don't both participate in raising the child.

"In most cases there are more men not taking care of their kids than there are woman"

-Women win custody 95% of the time. The Family Courts are enormously biased towards woman in cases of marriage or kids. Which is WHY there are WAY more MISCREANT MOMS than there are DEADBEAT DADS as the former is LEGAL w/no punishment/penalties and the other is a CRIME punishable by LAW. Women were given SUPERIOR rights in regards to the Family via 70's family courts. And MANY, MANY PUSHED MEN OUT or used the Family Courts to simply make the man a sperm donor and they win. ALOT of them were paid to do so through AFDC/Welfare. And many a mother abused this family court power as the instillment of the "MEN ARE BAD" mantra had taken hold society-wise. This resulted in tons of Nuclear Black Families breaking down which had previously been strong pre 70's. Feminist hated the idea of women marrying. Why would you suppose then that they would give us laws which BROKE-DOWN FAMILIES! And black women became extra-virulent towards BM because of these feminist. We're still seeing the results today.

I love black women but this extra special-cant-be-discussed-unless-in-glowing-terms-while-we-destroy-the-black-mans-esteem-for-entertainment-daily has got to go. Black women took control over alot of families not because they had to but because they wanted to however, both cant seem to stop blaming men. I cant recall the last time BW said something nice about the men in general or specifically. Pick up a magazine, daytime tv, church etc.

Black Fathers should be commended especially on their holiday. Or Black Woman just may start hearing about themselves the other 364 days. Dads and children are victims of many a mother. And the problem with the collusion btw Family Courts, Women, State-sponsorship of and promotions/bribes for divorce and the media is being seriously looked at in other countries .All because no one has been allowed to criticize women/mothers. Women are buliding up alot of resentment in men and thats what the marriage nos reflect.

Yet so many bridal magazines and Oprah.

Black and Decker, let's not get the vitriol going. Yes, Black Women need to stop bashing black men.  Black men need to stop bashing black women. Black communities need to view themselves as such, and begin to demand more from themselves and those who live around them.  We need holistic change in our communities, period.

And I wish that men would stop with this "black women push men out because of feminists, want to be on welfare, etc., etc.,"  Your statements do not accurately capture the situation. THe laws governing welfare are designed to destroy families and communities. A woman cannot get benefits if the man is in the home. She cannot get benefits if the father of her children is not on state-ordered child support. If she's on the system, she is not living the good life, or even a comfortable life. As for the rancor that exists between the men and women caught up in this mess, most of the time they are not mature, responsible adults that love each other and are committed to building a family with each other. I know plenty of dudes who lay down with women they only want to have sex with. When she pops up pregnant, then the guys want to get all sanctimonious about they type of woman they want to be with. On the other side, I know plenty of women who sleep with men who have no intention of being with them in any kind of meaningful way, and they have the nerve to act surprised when the man doesn't want an instant family when she has a child.  This kind of sickness is endemic to most of the neighborhoods black people live in. Casting blame doesn't get us anywhere. People need to start holding themselves to a higher standard and helping someone else along the way.

And I wish that the writer would stop falling into the trap of referring to these single mothers as victims because many of them fully intended to be single parents w/limited visitation by fathers. Theres a high level of abuse that the writer/others constantly ignore the role of women. No we dont need to stop criticism, we need better analysis. Its is the blind spot in the black community to constantly give a pass to our "grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends" who oft times understand the actions of the mother have been destructive but they are scared to crticize women-Black Women. Black families only just recently-40 yrs- fell off.

From the title of this artice I thought it would be a call for as much inspection into black womens role as well as men in dropping the ball. Instead its only a article asking us to stop criticizing ea. other. I'm sorry but thats a lil' late when both both B& BW have continued to allow this battering of their fathers, uncles, nephews and grandsons. The Family Court/State/Fed is the only relevant party in the Black Nuclear Family. They have been responsible for every family decision thats occured in the black community or decided its consequences. Think black people. and stop being drones. The Fed Gov't gives the state/judges rewards and matching funds for every dollar of child support they pull in. Thus there is incentive for Family court judges, lawyers, friends of the court, case workers to make divorce or custody as acrimonious as possible. Thus alot of men go in thinking they have a chance. No. the court is simply there to side (95%) w/ the mother and then mine your finances. The court doesnt care about the children as it doesnt enforce YOUR VISITATION if she denies it. They simply want to mine your finances. Lots of our fathers where pushed away by law, policy, or enforced vindictivenesss and the black church is cowardly.

Marriage presently is a scam as women initiate most divorces. Black should avoid Marriage and children in the current legal environment. I love blach women bad right now there heads are warped generally, inflated w/ man-hating. THIS IS THE WRONG TIME FOR MARRIAGE & BM ARE AHEAD OF THE CURVE in NOT MARRYING. Black women couldnt handle the legal environment of a man for a second.

Lay off our fathers!

"Casting blame doesn't get us anywhere. People need to start holding themselves to a higher standard and helping someone else along the way."

Without BLAME how would anyone be aware of the culprits and systems. And as such wouldnt any further action be somewhat doomed by this lack of introspection. We need analysis and blame thus avoiding future bad behavior. this humanism of yours in inpractible in real life. Though it sounds nice on a pulpit. People assign blame all day its a part of function. If you want to fix a problem it requires courage not humanism.

I'm with you cuz!!!!

If thats to me dadk82,

thanks.

Being the child of a single mom and then having experienced  two parents in the home (mom and stepdad), I can truly say that there is a difference in the way that I acted, the grades I made, my dicipline and everything. I feel insulted that anyone would accuse a mother of pushing a man out. My mom was NEVER A WELFARE QUEEN!! My mom did leave my father though, but it was because she wanted to protect me, he was on drugs and doing things that she knew would not be best around her child. I seriously doubt that she would want him to leave just to get a check. For a while it was just me and her, she was very good with me we hardly ever had any problems in my childhood but , I wasn't the best child I could be until she met my stepdad. He completely changed my life he taught me to expect the best from myself, made me a hard worker, taught me dicipline and my confidence swelled like never before. I don't even know if he knows how much he has touched my life. A child needs a man... plain and simple. That was 11 years ago, Now I'm a Engineering student (like my step-dad was) with a 3.8 GPA, no kids, no man laying up in my place with a vision for my life,  I know what a man looks like, acts like, what a man does and how to choose one all because of him. I'm not saying that my mom would not have been able to do that, however, it to a stand up man to help me manifest my destiny.  

typo: It took a stand-up man to help me manifest my destiny.

Very Well Written. I can see your point!

I'm trying to understand how we always end up blaming each other, {black men vs. black women)

let's all agree to do better as a people and heal. quit the blame game.

We know when Barack, and Cosby are talking about fathers coming home they are not talking about the bad, drunk, disconnected ones...they don't want any fathers but the good ones....and no everything won't be good in the hood with a father around...but to quote Forrest Gump with fathers around there will be "one less thing" to worry about...and then we can focus on something else

Well see its not just about just YOUR single mother, its about the majority and if all women were given the ability to push men out of their childrens lives, what makes you think they wouldnt or didnt and what evidence do you have NOW that they didnt?

"I feel insulted that anyone would accuse a mother of pushing a man out"

exactly my point, what makes you think that women wouldnt abuse a system that would never hold them accountable. THATS EXACTLY WHATS HAPPENING!

"A child needs a man... plain and simple."

Of course a child needs a man but as I recall WOMEN are the ones who have been claiming otherwise. What makes you think alot of women still believe kids dont need dads?. What makes you think alot of women wouldnt instead chose any man for the father not necessarily the biological. Paternity fraud is close to 25% here 33% in Jamiaca. Single motherhood is promoted/put-down simultaneously. Ever notice that. Women were given the ability to leave marriages easily and they did at alarming rates. Now leave men alone and stop playing hostage negotiator with the kids..

I wish people would stop demonizing Barack.  He is not like Cosby--he didn't mock what poor people sound like, or name their children. And Cosby muddied his message by living a less than admirable life in his own marriage. Barack is not Cosby.  He was speaking from his experience.  He grew up without his father.  He knows the value of different family models, he lived in them.  He knows that marriage isn't easy, he is married. If you listen to the whole speech, you will hear him address the structural changes that need to happen to support black people, white people. American people.  Don't sound bite him.

I think that he is saying that it is important to rethink what is happening to black people.  Men, women and children.  Everyone benefits in a family--in my marriage, I don't just receive financial support, but spiritual and emotional support.  And I also give it to my husband and to my daughter.   None of us would be what we are without family.  My husband grew up without ever knowing who his father was, and he has not lived a perfect life, but he has tried his best and now has done more than he ever thought was possible by building a life within a family.  I think family is a GIFT not a punishment or judgment.  And I know black folk--men, women, and children can be strong in it.  Of course things go wrong, of course it isn't easy.  But we have to have a grand vision and a grand dream for our future.  Black people made lives for themselves in the wake of slavery, we can make lives now.

If you want to take the grand stance of avocating the family you dont do so by bashing black men on Fathers Day no less. Or you make sure you do the same on Mothers Day or the same day. the rest of his speech falls on deaf ears as he has said nothing NEW @ all. he's merely gone to bat for what the women want to hear in an appeal to their vote, their positions. This is why it took place in the black church which is why the men left! McCain said himself regarding men and how the economy is affecting them more that he didnt want to address the issue '...because the women didnt want to hear it. These politicins have been and are implementing dangerous laws & policies regarding the family choosing to focus us all on a ridiculous deadbeat dad crisis when whats happening is the disenfranchisement of fathers  via women. He wants to increase enforcement of child support yet no mention of visitation enforcement. How do you claim you want men there and ignore which so easily pushes him out? PNDERING TO WOMEN. Many men are involved in this practice to as they were raised as myself to never question the actions or criticize Black Women. Well thats destroying us and took me yrs to wake up to the obvious.Thats why they spend so much time putting down our fathers. its ok there are consequences and their still coming. ALOT of black womens trash is being hidden under black mens rugs.

"Black men need to stop bashing black women."

Can I get some examples of this Hillary-like bashing of BW thats been going on because I havent seen it. I can however offer COUNTLESS examples of the contrary, back-to-front. BM have been under constant assault by BW. From church to church plays to Tyler Perry back to church to Oprah, Tyra, Terry, Alice Walker, Urban Chick lit fiction, daytime TV, Essence, Ebony, Jet. There is ONE scapegoat-BM.

Message recieved, I got it. 2008 and forward, the convo is going to be on BW. Shows, Radio, the Net, Mens magazines. Black women/ Gay black men and confused BM have poked us black men in the eye, us fathers, sons, soldiers and survivors one too many damn times. The topic is untapped and men will pay for the truth/change.

Good article, Mr. Adkins.  Now folks can forever play the "blame game" all they want if it makes them feel better, but that still won't help bring about real solutions for these issues.  I get past sick and tired of the "all black women do this" and "all black men do that"!  If anyone chooses to believe in this tired nonsense, then those are your own personal issues that you need to sort out.  Enough of the childish, playground behavior and for once, start behaving like REAL adults if possible, and come up with serious solutions to the problems!

But if you want to keep on playing the blame game and choosing sides, and not wanting to work together to come up with answers so for once, our children can have a more positive future, then you should keep your mouths shut, because you're not helping matters any.

Black Womens idea of coming together is men shutting up while they tell us about ourselves and where they wanted us to do nect. Where not all that dumb. Again the lack of black men in church is because of the constant bashing. Still waiting foir these examples on BW bashing thats been taking on all this time. IT DOESNT EXIST! These examples of BW bashing thats been going on?

BW will stop ONLY WHEN THEY EXPERIENCE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE THUS "HELPING" the situation.

Moxie_Nouveau speaks about coming together. That meeting place has been THE black church. Hows the coming together plan been going? We all to discuss things on BW terms. No more. They dont support us merely join in putting us down and support those who do. Its their entertainment. its time for new media because clearly there arent enough honest black women and too many batterd-down black men. Time to cover the issues like BW have been discussing ours. Its time for both sides inadequencies to see the light of day. Black men have been punished enough. What new interesting wrinkle re: BM would someone like to offer? huh? Its BW's time. apologist will merely be walked over.

Just because something is insufficient doesn't mean it isn't necessary.

I wish that people would realize that it's not about who's more right or wrong, and recognize that it's about the children. My comment was not to generalize like MOST of the comment in here but to give an example about the experiences I had with a one and two parent home. No I do NOT have evidence LIKE MANY OTHERS, but I will say that I definitely know that I am not the only person who feels this way.

"Well see its not just about just YOUR single mother, its about the majority and if all women were given the ability to push men out of their childrens lives, what makes you think they wouldnt or didnt and what evidence do you have NOW that they didnt?"

what evidence do I have that women wouldn't push men out of their live?  hmmmmm. The same evidence that you have that makes you think that they would. Excuse me for not being a pessimistic type of person. I think that it was clearly and opinion like many of the comments in here.

I  always agree wit you to a certain extent. my mother was a single parent and even though there were alot of men in my life seeing that my mom was divorced 3 times during the course of my childhood,a father figure didnt make nor break me. I am now suceesful young lady.I believe that it takes a comunity  to raise a child. Mymother surrounded herself with positive and encouraging God fearing people.

I know black men feel bashed a lot of the time, especially when they are not the shining example spoken of Barack Obama.

I believe there is unfairness to the system. I acknowledge that, but at the same time that unfairness cannot be used as an excuse to give up trying to improve yourself.

I would agree that a child needs the presence of a man in their lives in order to be most positively influenced.  But there is the root of the problem, the fathers and mothers in many of these disfunctional homes are neither men or women but boys and girls.  What is lacking in the community is not enough men or women.  Adults are people who maintain their responsibilities and too often in the mix are the immature and the irresponsible whom the adults have allowed to define the rest of us by their behavior.  If we don't outing this type of behavior when it occurs whether in our families or outside how do we intend to reverse the effects.  The lack of quality parenting is not only about mom and dad in the home but role modelling, economics and caretaking.  All of the things important in a child's development and its time we start accepting that.  This problem did not start today and we can't solve it tonight but we can begin to reaffirm the values of family: motherhood and fatherhood in order to reverse this pathology.  

I  totally agree with rastaman...

"I know black men feel bashed a lot of the time, especially when they are not the shining example spoken of Barack Obama.

I believe there is unfairness to the system. I acknowledge that, but at the same time that unfairness cannot be used as an excuse to give up trying to improve yoursel"

Now that i agree on but the victim of a problem has every reason to point to the cause. And not be bashed if he falls flat on his face because of the problem. How else is it to be addressed? The observers opinion of it being an excuse has to do w/ the observers frame of reference. The ONLY women speaking about this issue in support of black men are the ones who have relationships with these tormented men & see it first hand. When it hurts women, then they see it. Then those women get mad & other women who call it an excuse." Whether I still struggle to improve myself has nothing to do w/ the problem and actually supports the problem  to an extent.

Black Women NEVER speak about the unfairness  at all. They however will save their derision for BM and protecting ALL BW from critique while tithing away. BW wanted head of the household. The reason you cant provide evidence supporting your thoughts is because you never really cared.

"I  always agree wit you to a certain extent. my mother was a single parent and even though there were alot of men in my life seeing that my mom was divorced 3 times during the course of my childhood,a father figure didnt make nor break me. I am now suceesful young lady.I believe that it takes a comunity  to raise a child. Mymother surrounded herself with positive and encouraging God fearing people."

-----...17 teenaged girls at the local high school are pregnant, almost half of them having entered a pact to have babies and raise the children collectively. ..--- Associated News 06/20/08

-"But even if we had contraceptives, that pact shows that if they wanted to get pregnant, they will get pregnant. Whether we distribute contraceptives is irrelevant," said Verga.

Women are behind these broken families.

Okay... so let's say that it is the womens fault...  Yep Sure is, We messed it all up . So what now????? What does that do to solve anything. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Just like it does nothing to try and blame the Men. It takes two to tango, just like it take two to do the raise-yo-baby dance.

"Women are behind these broken families." WHAT??? So that's it? Since you feel that way, what do you suggest that women do? You are doing the samething to women that  youare complaining about. Fire can NOT put out FIRE! Water puts out fire, So playing the blame game is most definitely not the solution.

Okay... so let's say that it is the womens fault...  Yep Sure is, We messed it all up . So what now????? What does that do to solve anything. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Just like it does nothing to try and blame the Men. It takes two to tango, just like it take two to do the raise-yo-baby dance.

"Women are behind these broken families." WHAT??? So that's it? Since you feel that way, what do you suggest that women do? You are doing the samething to women that  youare complaining about. Fire can NOT put out FIRE! Water puts out fire, So playing the blame game is most definitely not the solution.

-laughter-.

be right back.

*Standing Ovation*

Oh Booo Hooo! Dead-beat Black Baby Daddies whining about their rights and injustices in court when they are chasing women, hangin @ the club or spending their whole check on clothes and cars. The problem is even after a child is born, whether a good situation or bad, they still want 2 live the same life post-child. They want 2 come and go as they please and take care of their children when they feel like it, with no complaints from the mother. When the mother refuses 2 deal with the bull, all of a sudden she is all kinds of mean B's, "trying 2 push him out, and not let him see his kids", irresponsible, a money hungry gold digger etc. etc.....My refusal to tolerate a man that refuses 2 step up and b a man and take care of his is my perrogative. Why should I except less, when I am expected as a mother 2 do so much more??? My kids are clean, healthy, well-dressed, do well in school, have a roof over their heads and food in their mouth because of me. Then he wants to come over pick them up and parade them around all of his friends and family and did not put in on anything that these people see visually. Why does he expect me to accept this as ok, when he hasn't paid any $ for months! Dead-beat Black Baby Daddies r angry because we as Black Women refuse to accept their bull......Step Up Your Game and Get Your Minds Right, then I will step back and let u do your thing..........

BW have acted independently of BM its time for BM to avoid BW and act independently from them. Avoid relationships or keep them casual and careful and child-free and brief. Avoid marriage and children. The legal environment dictates it. Dont feed the beast. Since women have made themselves more important than men, only their anger will change anything. No one hears anybody else but them. They'll experience anger when their forced to be accountable. So by letting all BM know what BW have actually been dong and HOW, the arms race that BW have issued against BM is met and further abuse lessens/stops. Negotiations after that? Maybe, but definitely a better environment to do so in.

BW simply need to acknowledge/speak to and fight against the actions of the federal Govmt/State/Family Court in order to enforce Family Building is re-introduced.  Look at the laws on the books and you will see there a policy against families, not for. the last time you heard something addressed about the family it was cocerning gay adults or single mothers. Sigle mother headed households and divorce is a cash-cow! Why has the National Organization of Women (N.O.W) been blocking Shared Parenting Initiatives/bills for the last several yrs? PNot very FAMILY orientated. Keep looking. People care if women say something. Use that. Must a BM point out everything? I Ithink we need ea. other just too make sure the other party doesnt STOP THINKING.

Otherwise all BM have to do is continue to sit back and wait for the inevitable. The collapse of lies.

P.S- Black & Decker got serious hate issues of his own. My sympathies 2 u and your struggle....we all got stuff 2 deal with but each situation is unique bro.....There r bad mothers and fathers in this world, I can only account for my story, just like u can only account for yours. No matter what persons who strive 2 b great parents go through the most bull....man or woman we must continue on and instill in our children a sense of pride and dignity. They will see the truth in the long run. It doesn't matter what people say or do to u, if u r doing the right thing by your kids u will come out a winner in the end......

SistaSoLovely

You are emblematic of the problem and futility that BM feel in relating their words and thoughts to BW. Thus future communication has ceased.I'll leave you to your pigeon seed and ask for more bantering for the enlightenment of other BM to witness. I'll replace your water later.

Women and Men avoid each other? UNREALISTIC. One was created for the other.

"Avoid relationships or keep them casual and careful and child-free and brief. Avoid marriage and children."

U need drug rehab bro....cause u have internal issues and taking too many red AND blue pills! Get off of this blog because u do not make any sense....u need a planet for yourself because here on earth no matter the race, color or creed we Must co-exist.....u need 2 find the nearest cave 2 share with the other alternative lifestyle brothers u will b joining.....u are a hater 2 the 3rd power.....I do not wish u the best any longer cause u r a lost cause.....u r Lost in Space........

The birth/marriage rate  would indicate otherwise Lina M'onet as well as a plethora of INTERNATIONAL ARTICLES indicating the same. As well as 3-4 recent studies. Its happening.

And I didnt say men and women avoiding each other. There's far more advantage for women to be married. Cash, Prizes and Custody. Men are avoiding women because of it. Men have the same responsiblities as they always have. Womens penalties were voided out. Too many risks for men. What use is family if it can be ripped from me at anytime while I hear about why I am the miserable gender, man-up & pay.

"I wish that people would realize that it's not about who's more right or wrong, and recognize that it's about the children.

-Its about the children-sounds alot like "IN THE BEST INTEREST OF  THE CHILDREN" and on a regular basis that has been WHATEVER THE MOMS WISHES ARE. The Best Interest of the Children have been the words used right before the crushing blow of having your child moved 1500 miles away with no enforcement of CONTACT at all via the gavel of a family court judge. Marriage/children for BM is doomed currently. It is easily addressed by a few laws but theres way too much fleecing of men now, women are advantaged and blackmen brainwashed- bad me-bad me.. Too many people getting paid of the stereotype of the fleeing father. while BW play CONSTANT cover for ALL BW with the assistance of the church, Oprah and most politicians and Civil Leaders. Its only only only about Black men. There are consequences to those actions.

wonderfully written ~ thanks!

As a young man I took precaution in order not to make a baby.  I simply didn't want the responsibility.  That mantra, "it takes a village," makes my blood boil.  Why should the village raise your child?  It even irks me to see so many grandmothers taking the responsibility of raising their own childrens' children.  Is that what we call a do over?  Grandmother (and/or grandfather) get to try again to raise a child that takes responsibility as a parent.  As far as blame is concerned, let's just say we've woven irresponsible-baby-making so tightly into our everyday business that we refuse to recognize it. Still, as a male I can never become pregnant and I therefore have less societal pressure to raise my own.  Women, I guess, that's the price you pay.  Life isn't fair so get over it and blame yourself for the results are all around you.  You can't say that you didn't know.  You (women) are 51% the blame for the 70% statistic.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Amen Brother.......

As a Black Man who had my son WHILE MARRIED, and am now paying $1,250.00 a month for a 3 year old....I am in total agreement with B&D..... This system has labeled me a "bad father", because the system is designed that way....I have legal joint custody of my son, but his mother limits visitation to when its convenient for her....so I get to see my son 1 day week.... and because I am "in the system", I can't really challenge it, without undue drama........

This unfortunately is a common occurence with a lot of men....Black, White, or Other......its not that WE dont want to be involved in the lives of our children, but what man honestly wants to deal with unnecessary stress every time he attempts to be involved in the lives of his children....the sad part is....most of these children end up learning the truth about "why Dad wasn't around"....and they eventually grow up to resent their mothers..... Let's break the cycle.....

And how much of an unbiased opinion are you expecting to get on Black Men...when the publisher of this online magazine shares the same sentiment as a lot of black women...that "There are not enough good black men....."  

and now in June 2008....We can thank Barack Obama for giving more ammunition to the black woman and her plight to find a "Good Black Man"..... because you know, there were only about 9 total "Good Black Men" in "our" history..... Starting with Booker T. Washington, and now with Obama ther are 10........ Hmmmm....So that's what they mean when they say the  "talented 10th"

This is pure nonsense, and you should be ashamed.  Yes, it certainly "takes people who want to build a family out of passion not imperative", which is why economics has little to do with a man fathering children.  These days, a quick trip to any number of 24-hour stores to purchase the protection necessary to prevent fatherhood.  What's that you say?  Some males don't have any money.  Then see the numbers of organizations that freely distribute the same.  The onus of responsibility for producing children should NOT be on women in any society; no, it is up to a male to take full responsibility for his actions and his body.  Indeed, doing so is the first step in achieving a sense of value in the self.  To father children when one does not have either the economic means or the emotional desire to take care of them is purely childish and it is about time that men, such as yourself, step up and say so.  That women have been caring enough, bold enough, strong enough to take care of children alone in spite of economic hardship says much for women but very little for the folks who consider themselves to be "men."

Deltas reaction is yet another reason why its imperative that black men avoid marriage and children as well as the dating of single mothers. Delta ignores that fact that essentially black women have been breeding black men against their will. As in the example of the pregnancy pact that I mentioned earlier, where the young girls decided to get pregnant- who do you think is being blamed for these actions. The young men. The MEN were defrauded by underage indiviuals into parentage and who do you think takes the blame. The girls will be discussed in sympatheic terms only but the men are already being run through the mill by the sheriff,eventhough THEY were the victims.

BW dont care about BM. You as a BM will ALWAYS  be characterized as the abuser. She can lie to you about her age or being on birth control. To bad. A female, married Dr. in NYC started having an affair w/ a new unmarried Dr.. One night after hours she fellated the Dr. until he ejaculated in her mouth. She then went ahead in the bathroom and transferred the sperm to her vagina. 3 yrs later the Male Dr. is contacted re: an order for Child Support on behalf of the toddler. Shocked, he attempted to show that he was the victim of fraud. The judge ruled in favor of the woman and ordered child support claiming that after the male ejaculated that the sperm was considered "a Gift" free for her to do whatever she pleased with. NO PENALTY WHATSOEVER! Or the case of the recently divorced couple that had previously signed up for in vitro child birth. After the divorce, the ex-wife went to the fertility clinic, FORGED the Husbands name and had his sperm deposited. She then sued him for Child Support. The courts wouldnt allow him to sue HER or the Fertility Clinic. But guess what the victim of the fraud is now obligated the next 21 yrs of his life to pay a vindictive ex who defrauded him. Woman have gotten off w/ NO punishment after readily admitting that they poked holes in condoms of their mates. NO PUNISHMENT. Women are behind these broken homes!

Delta wants you BM to ignore that the same trip to the 24 hr store or a Dr's office could have just as easily secured one of the 15 forms of BIRTH CONTROL SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN. Women want to be mothers whether you want them to or not. But you BM, having only 2 forms of prevention- abstinance or the condom. Yet YOU WILL be blamed EXCLUSIVELY!

"The onus of responsibility for producing children should NOT be on women in any society;The onus of responsibility for producing children should NOT be on women in any society;"

But yet it IS as DEMANDED by BW.

Men have NO parental options. A woman can decide to breed you against your wil and after conception can decide to abort your baby, put it up for adoption, leave your child outside of a police station up to 48 hrs after birth ALL W/O any say-so from you. BW know they have men cornered as they freely admit to the fraud "He should of kept it in his pants". the Fed/ State/ Women KNOW that they've got men cornered family-wise. Is any one comfortable with the idea of a man breeding a women against her will. " Have the baby or else"

"no, it is up to a male to take full responsibility for his actions and his body. "

And the state/fed makes sure he lives up to that responsiblity, yet WOMEN are under NO RESPONSIBILTY to make sure their kids have a father and because women suffer no penalties  for defrauding men its likely that a large amount are indeed doing so. There used to be a law against a women getting sperm from a sperm bank unless there was a Father in the picture. That was reversed a long while ago. FATHERS ARE UNIMPORTANT Whats to stop them black men from breeding you against your will? They have the incentive and the support network already mapped-out. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE VICTIM IN FAMILY COURT NO MATTER WHAT SHE DID. No matter WHAT! You opened your pants? Whats that? She did too? Doesnt matter if she still has options after conception, YOU DONT. Women have Superior Rights, You BM only have Responsibilities. Man-Up!

"To father children when one does not have either the economic means or the emotional desire to take care of them is purely childish and it is about time that men, such as yourself, step up and say so.  That women have been caring enough, bold enough, strong enough to take care of children alone in spite of economic hardship says much for women but very little for the folks who consider themselves to be "men."

To become a mother when one does not have either the economic means or the emotional desire to take care of them is uniquely feminine. Why? If women have these ADDITIONAL choices after conception while the man doesnt then the labels of childishness would fall on WOMEN, The same party with unilateral veto-decision control as to whether a child is born. I agree w/Delta. Those women are indeed childish. Black women didnt end up with children because the courts recognized them as the more caring, bold, and strongest. BW ended up with children because they wanted them. One can not say they didnt have options. Men dont! They have more options than ANY MAN. But Delta, being the same woman that BM MUST AVOID. still manages to make you the culprit. Yes you Penis-Haver! Dumb man! Guess who the courts will side with? MANY, MANY BW &WOMEN IN GENERAL SHARE HER SELFISH LINE OF THINKING.

If you want to see unwanted births stop and true equality where men have the same parental rights as women than you would see a law whereby if a father didnt want a unwanted pregnacy yet the mother did than he would have the right to sign parental rights away and she could never collect child support from him for her choice. I betcha unwanted pregancies would go down signifiantly. Thats equality for both parties! But women want all the options to create family and the courts agree. Avoid them both for this reason..

BW will see our culture and race destroyed if at the very end she can still say, "It wasnt our fault- it was our Fd up men" She'll oversee the further decline in esteem of her men as long as no one points the finger @ her. "Its their fault" You want an idea of how much love our sistas have for us?!

-If you are with a mate and they fall & break their ankle you may tell that person they gonna have to fight on through it. Maybe you might offer some help. BW have seen to it that we are blamed for our ankle and have offered not a bit of help AT ALL. Only criticism for our mis-step. I would help a sista out if she needed it and couldnt do it or her own. Have you BM seen this level of concern for your predicament? After a certain amount of Man-Ups from the worst of our women, you would eventually hope for some help, Right?! Well tough s**t if your a BM. "Man-Up, dont you see how the woman pulled themselves up?" Well actually, No they didnt. WE ALL PUT IN TO HELP DISADVANTAGED MOTHERS. BW got assistance from the govt/state/educational system to get on their feet yet we BM who have gotten lil' still get the blame for our slower progress. Compare affirmative action recipients along w/ the plethora of additional programs geared towards helping women and compare it to what BM got post 70's. NOT EVEN CLOSE! "But you BM are weak and need to follow the example of your strong women"

BW are not our friends or allies in the struggle, they are our enemies. I hope that all interested parties will start looking at how often our women actually have our backs, how often do they make us the cuprit. How often do they say there are no good ones amongst you. or that your on the DL or not real men or in prison. Dont assume they like, love or respect you. Be objective. Only then, outside of being dragged and abused in Family Court, will you begin the see their actions for what they are. the actions of someone who has turned her back on your soul. You are nothing BM!

-BM,

AVOID MARRIAGE, CHILDREN & AMERICAN WOMEN IN THE CURRENT LEGAL ENVIRONMENT AT ALL COST, time is on your side. Our women have NO LOVE for us. Start opening your eyes and look for signs saying otherwise. You dont have to believe me though I researched this for the las 4 yrs. Just look and listen. You wont find our helpmate, or church or our Black Leaders. We are alone, ridiculed and persecuted publicly by our own women and it time that we act like it. Act independently of BW and exclusively for BM and our allies. BM literally need to start cocooning themselves in hopes for future better times when BM are again respected. Then the soil will be rich for seeding. Not today. There is No LOVE TODAY.

Black and Decker:  I am in no way minimizing the irresponsible and often manipulative behaviors of some black women.  Nor am I attempting to support the obvious efforts of the courts to strip men of their rights.  Give this more thought:  do you think most patriarchal courts really care about the lives of children?  Do you really believe that institutions exist to help families and children; or have they become mere tools for providing jobs.  Because we KNOW that neither has to be concerned with what happens with children and families, it is up to us to make responsible decisions for ourselves, each other and our children.  You would have me believe that black men are so weak that they cannot do so.  I refuse to accept the fact that black men, the descendants of a proud, rich heritage - a heritage from which they have risen despite every effort to destroy them are incapable of making sound choices.....even from a purely selfish perspective, i.e., 'I simply don't want to take care of a child at this time'...therefore, I will not be fathering one.  And, it is equally imperative that the time spent arguing about this issue might be put to better use through advocating for fairer laws when it comes to ALL fathers.  Meanwhile, the bottom line is that we cannot and must not ignore the numbers of children that are here already and that need the time, touch, tenderness, positive examples and care of their fathers.  Clearly, men can begin there, while simultaneously making it their business to be more selective about when, where, why and with whom they  are sharing their seed.

Men are incapable of starting anywhere in a sytem which is pitted against and one in which no matter HOW committed a father is to his children, that can be ripped away via courts and women. Thus the only starting place for BM is avoiding the marriage/children and spreading info to other men re: the unfavorable and destructive bias. Cant rely on the oppessors-BW. You may BELIEVE that any man who wants to be there for his child will cross mountain and sea but then you would be ignoring the power of the POLICE. Try to be involed in your childs live against the wishes of the mother and see where you'll end up. I'm leaving the bulk of this problem to be solved by women who pushed for these laws, advocated them, and/or sat by quietly and those women were both good & bad women alike. When BW are effected enough, they'll act. I'm going to make sure the pressure is increased to the same degree as this attack on fathers and dads that BW HAVE HAD NO PROBLEM in administering and overseeing. Others can try their  methods which havent worked I'll stay Nuclear. We'll see who accomplishes more. People dont change on their own until they are effected in a way which forces them. Lets see how BW handle constant humiliation.BW have heaped a ton of abuse over the last 4 decades while blaming BM constantly/exclusively and I'm not gonna sit on the sideline anymore, suffering more abuse while waiting for the abusers (mothers&Women) to come to their senses.

And these courts you label Patriarchal to deflect blame of woman ARE LOBBIED BY POWERFUL WOMENS GROUPS WHICH MOST SUPPORT IF NOT ALL. Patriarchal courts under Matriarchal control. This bias only exist to provide NEW JOBS when Womans Groups lobby for a NEW sanction against men. In the meantime these policies and actions persist because the State is recieving matching funds for every dollar collected from the Fed. The cash cow is too massive and men have been effectively silenced and disenfranchised. Solution: avoid Marriage, child birth, long-standing relationships and sharing residences or finances. Dont pay for dates-its a sign of the evil Patriarchy. And real modern women pay their own way, irregardless of who asked since women dont usually ask.

Make no mistake Delta: WE ARE NOT IN THIS TOGETHER! BW are the adversary as they have made clear THEMSELVES. This BW gave BM there asses to kiss and continue to do so. Expect nothing from your adversary least of all help. Rely on yourself. Dont support BW in business or otherwise. BM dont expect help from their woman because BW view it as a sign of weakness. If BW wanted to help or support BM it would of came LONG before now. What have we heard instead? CONSTANT CRITIQUE.  Delta, I'm here for brothers and the brothers only. BW never even threw a bone and I'm here to let the BM know why and explain the history of the collapse of the Nuclear Black Family post 70's.

"You would have me believe that black men are so weak that they cannot do so.  I refuse to accept the fact that black men, the descendants of a proud, rich heritage"

-when you upon trying to keep your family and/or relationship w/children going against the wishes of the law and father, I'll take your definition of WEAK seriously. Thats why BM need to isolate themselves from these STRONG BW who buck the law daily in an effort to see their kids. Delta BW dont have any appreciation of this topic because they really dont care. but they'll care when egg is on their face. ONLY THEN.

BW have treated BM akin to how America treated Russia during the Cold War. First you creat a boogie-monster (Black Men) Then you say " this country has weapons better than our own. In order to prevent attack we need more weapons". BW have used BM in order to get more things for themselves at the expense of BM. They care nothing about how the BM appears and how it damages the family. There only concerned about attacking men and how THEY LOOK. Woman can get up and advocate for fairer laws, They caused the problem. In the meantime I'm not lifting a finger to clean up their mess. But I am going to be working on knocking down that prestige that BW have been holding over BM heads and towards keeping BM forward-thinking & independent from BW. I'm only following the example that BW have left.

Scapegoating black women is hardly different from what you are claiming happens to black men; however, Black and Decker is certainly free to make the choices he repeatedly outlines.  But, if you are asking Delta to accept the idea that the black man, on whose shoulders rest the foundation of ALL civilization, is incapable of making viable decisions (other than this screed against ALL black women) then you need to spend a lot more time reading and a lot less time on the computer.  You will find your answers in history; where, men and women (each one independent) forged deep, lasting alliances.  Such alliances, media bias to the contrary, exist today and can be witnessed sin the large numbers of men who with rare public praise, work with their families, communities and friends to maintain the safety, love, education and well-being of the children.  Have some of them experienced disappointment?  Sure.  But, they continue to get up and persevere. Why?  Because that's what adults do; simple as that.  Any child can continue to point the finger of blame.  As for your desire to continue supporting the other men in your circle; by all means do so.  That is a positive beginning and Delta certainly applauds you for that and wishes you well.  

"You will find your answers in history; where, men and women (each one independent) forged deep, lasting alliances.  Such alliances, media bias to the contrary, exist today and can be witnessed sin the large numbers of men who with rare public praise, work with their families, communities and friends to maintain the safety, love, education and well-being of the children.  Have some of them experienced disappointment?  Sure.  But, they continue to get up and persevere. "

-Unless the woman/men arent interested in forging deep lasting alliances. And those stats are overwhelming. You keep discounting where were @ in History.

I never said or tried to convince you that BM were incapable of making a workable plan. Where'd you see that? You yourself suggest I have. Idont get it. You mean a capable plan that doesnt involve trying to stop BW from harassing us? A indepedent plan capable of evolving w/o BW? I got that. I'm clear. Nor did I suggest that other BM didnt. I focussed on the fact that it is viable to stop the abuse via BW opening up their mouths @ the same frequency about BW as they do BM. BM dont generally refute BW claims regarding them. Yet BW, their brains fully warped by the insiduos ad inadreessed bad parts of feminism will not hear the complaints of men. I advocated exposing those critisms FULL OUT to provoke a solution. And in the meantime avoiding the possibilty of abuse and derision. Im clear and never suggested that BM would not find that plan viable.

also confusing

"where, men and women (each one independent) forged deep, lasting alliances"

its hard to talk about alliances as a cure when your dealing w/ the issue of a fractured alliance. Your making a circular argument I feel. BW are out!!, Its about them and has been exclusively for a looong while.

" Any child can continue to point the finger of blame"

-of course. They learned from their mothers.

I wrote earlier:

"Without BLAME how would anyone be aware of the culprits and systems. And as such wouldnt any further action be somewhat doomed by this lack of introspection. We need analysis and blame thus avoiding future bad behavior. this humanism of yours in inpractible in real life. Though it sounds nice on a pulpit. People assign blame all day its a part of function. If you want to fix a problem it requires courage not humanism."

"Scapegoating black women is hardly different from what you are claiming happens to black men"

Exactly! but only then will it lessen and hopefully stop. I'll believe in BW humanism and alliance building once I have a gun as big as hers or bigger, thank you very much. That thur' is Diplomacy!

all i can say is, wow. Delta and Black & Decker have heated up "the net " with all of the cliches and none of the solutions. i too am a victum of the system. i have two daughters from my failed marriage and a son out of wedlock. (indicdently i could not drag my son's mother to the alter kicking and screaming) i too have difficulty maintaining contact and pay my child support. ON TIME!

you want to hear irony. i got a fatherday card from the childsupport office. the same office that took me four months to get them to garnish my pay. ( they wouldn't let me make direct payments) the same office that charged me with being in arrears because they took to four months to notify my company. the same office that threatened to take my tax return for the same stated reasons. the self same office that when they got it initiated took my payment and gave it to someone else and told my son's mother, " it will work its self out." and now that i live in another state i only get to see him once a quarter if then depending on his mothers whims.  so drop the excuses.

solution. consciousness in the face of the obstacles that we face in this wilderness for bm and bw. now you both said a lot about our relationships. never once, or did i miss the point, which to me is BLACK CHILDREN. though i have had trouble mentoring mine i don't stop loving and guiding BLACK CHILDREN. they are the point. men and women will fight the battle of the sexes hence forth and now on. what we need to do is LOVE OUR BLACK CHILDREN. you don't have to be a "big brother," to offer that single sister a hand with her children for a much needed rest. nor do you need to use that as an inroad to her bed. no sister, he's just trying to help. not become your kids daddy.

try something different. go to the skating rink and watch her daughter compete and cheer her on. attend the sister that is in the office sons football, baseball basketball game. offer to take the child to a park, boating the movies anything to give her a break and to do your part in providing a positive, altruistic example of a black man that is not trying to get next to his mama, but rather make sure the next generation doesn't repeat our mistakes, despite the fact that the system is stacked against the bm and bw. let's hear about "soul-utions," instead of a diatribe about, "what is wrong" with each other. we al know what's wrong.  solutions people! think out of the box! then maybe we will be the family we need to be. stop waiting for "the signal to come out, it's safe." don't hold your breath. make a difference in a childs life, now today. if not yours, someone elses.  the child you save maybe your life you save.